Birthday Time Once Again! LATE

So, I'm 20,

well almost,

today is my birthday,

but my birth hour is 9 o clock and my birth minute was 21..

so if were getting technical, my mom was hiking around Provo and i was calmly and contently burrowed in the womb, until i decided it was my time to hatch into the wonderful person y'all know today (:
that's a joke, seriously.

but honestly, I'm scared to be 20.. that's old. and i don't want to feel old, ever.

i don't really want to grow up,

or age,

or have responsibilities,

 as immature and selfish as that sounds,

its the truth.

 i WANT to be young and selfish, and feel good and have fun, and not care.

 i want nothing LESS than to grow older.

 its seriously scary.

 I'm glad i have friends though, to make my day the absolute best.
20 years ... yeesh
what an age...
 what have i accomplished?
growth, pain, happiness.
pure joy and Ecstasy, satisfaction, hate, animosity,
forgiveness, love, contentment.
 i love who i am.
 what i have, my blessings and what i bring to this space,
 i can give what no one else can, because i am me, the only me that there ever will be on this earth.
 i hate what i can bring as well, but my energy i love.
 I'm me. and I'm the only me i can be.
raw and imperfect. just Taylor Ashley Seegmiller.
plenty flawed, plenty talented, plenty loved and plenty blessed,
i love what i have, who i am, and more importantly who i desire to be.
i love others.
even those who don't love me back.
but the ones who do love me, I'm so grateful for and i need them.
forever in my heart. lies my gratitude and love, another year of growth lies ahead. challenge, grief, happiness, anxiety, gratitude, crazy adventures,
and too much laughter,
 many more tears,
but mostly,
 life,
experience,
and maybe one day,
 ill be ready to age,
and accept the responsibility that comes with that,
but for now, i can only be me and live for right now.
one more year of me.

birthday unicorn!
considering i meant to post this on August 27 2012, but didn't get around to it until October seventeenth approximately 47 days late, i should say something like, I'm too busy to blog anymore, even though this blog used to be the most important thing to me, i honestly wish i had an excuse to why i never write anymore, because writing is what makes me happy.
 but i don't have a n excuse, my excuse was i just didn't do it. i thought about it yes but never got around to it, and then it has been so long you almost don't know where to start. that's all. so i guess ill start over.

 Pizza Factory Birthday dinner.

its interesting to read this. something i wrote on my birthday and now Ive been 20 years old for 47 days. and i still meant every word of what i previously said, even worse though, i feel as though i have become more of what i wrote about versus gently aging and realizing i am grown and mature, i thought maybe i would start to see who i am. i haven't. i think I'm more confused now. oh well. that's life. and I'm still living. breathing. sometimes barely. sometimes too much, but I'm here. and just trying to figure out what my purpose in this space is supposed to be.
..life..
its all shits and giggles, until someone giggles and shits..

 fruit pie cake

 My Britters!

 koby

Gracie Lou

 roses from Ky Ky

 I'm 20 baby, says the pizza!

 thanks for the best party ever babe!

 

All said and done, im happy !

 

Gahh!! &Trojan Women

[the cast]

SO much to write about!

 OK so our show Trojan Women opened and then closed, [sad day]

 i met the most amazing people in the whole world and had the best time i have had this whole year just with the show.

the pictures explain themselves,

ahahah.

~

 I made everyone take a bunch of pictures,

because I'm a freak hahah this one is

 1st grade school pictures [:

back left: Jacob, GRACE, ME, ALEX, Tamsy.

front left: Keely and Bill.

[The 7 Dwarfs ]

 Totally bored

[circumstance] you pooped your pants on a date..

 Shakespeare

 And of course we had to do a jump pic [:

~

Finals are THIS week kill me.

oh and i have to stop saying "I'm gonna shoot myself" because i guess I'm offending people who know people who have killed themselves.. oops.

 I feel bad,

except not really because i don't mean it when i say it..

 i mean i do feel bad that they know people who died,, but not that I'm being serious, OK never mind.

~

On another note

My ["best friend"] is an A-hole, [Drake] enough said.

but i have new best friends so it doesn't matter! [:

~

[Me and Hannah, "sun bag"]

Helen and Andromache

 [Me and Zoe]

she helped me with literally EVERYTHING,

 including taping my boobs into that dress lol

[Me and Alex, i love him so much [:! ]

We went to Vegas yesterday, my roommates, and they drug me on the Big shot! on top of the freaking stratosphere, i almost died and it was the most horribly scary thing in the whole world!!!

 but I'm not dead [: and we laugh alot, and they call me a creep which i do deserve most the time, but sometimes it gets old.

[Me and Amy, i love Paris!]

Wish me luck on finals,

I have already Aced two!

So thats a good start,

Knock on wood [:

Favortie song for today [:

Spring Break.

so this term usually means something fun and exciting.

 well to most college students,

but i opted for the path of least partysistence..

OK so i went home.. too the cold.. why ? don't ask. because i seriously have no answer.

and then i-

spent sometime with Meranda and baby tae, (named after me) (:

went to basketball,(long story follows this)

went to Tepanyaki (DELISH)

saw 'The Adjustment Bureau' (favorite movie of all time.) i highly recommend,

became more amazed by Karen Carpenter.. i watch a video of her every day..

critiqued a dance team, (i seriously miss dancing)

Had an amazing fun sleep over with Nat who i love![:

then spent 2 whole ENTIRE days at dance competition, the only difference was this year all i did was watch since I'm not on the comp teams anymore,

and visited my favorite family in the whole world! the Bassett family and got the most exciting news ever ! they are having another baby!!

 i am in love with babies! well all kids really, unless their evil, then I'm not a huge fan.

Ok well, the end.

Only 6 weeks left of school !

Euphoria!

ME, having  best week ever ! i feel euphoric and happy i just never stop smiling, and believe it or not i had a complete emotional break down on Tuesday ! seehow fast time turns? anyways.

My reasoning is A.) I'm just happy !

B.) i got to hang out with Nat Friday night and freakin love her so much, biggest sweet heart on the face of the earth!

C.) my friend texted me last night and said meet me at the school were auditioning for the play, so i did completely on a whim and today i found out I MADE IT! I'm Helen of troy, in Trojan Women, I'm so excited!

 D.) all my pants fit looser i have been working my butt of and its showing!

E.) i got to hang out with Vayla last night! and i freakin love her soo much too!

i love my life,

 and two really good friends who i thought had completely forgotten about me texted me ! just to chat and see how i was. My life... it couldn't get any better right now..

well unless i was a millionaire... but that's for the future [;

this is MY song right now I'm in love!

Dog Days Are Over 

[: listen PLEASE! you ll be in love too,

and who doesn't need a little love?.

Good day everyone [:

I'M SO HAPPY [:

Baby Taytay

Athena Nate`

[natay] is how it sounds.

I'm an aunt!

One of my best friends Meranda finally had her baby.

A beautiful girl. I watched the whole thing..

as a matter of fact.. i was holding her leg!

It was the craziest thing i have ever seen.

Their calling her Taytay. like me.

Aunt Taytay and baby Taytay how freakin cute.

She is so adorable !!

and a little stinker face.

 but...

 thank you Meranda for reassuring my hold on abstinence.

 birthing scares the crap outta me.

especially after being that close to the action.

I think ill adopt [:

awesome weekend to everyone !

HallOwEEn[:

[kim.me]

Halloweens eve

~

 technically i didn't do anything on Halloween,

because it was sunday..

 except i went to a pretty amazing fireside...

but as of Halloween celebrations

.. Thriller..

 First off.

 INCREDIBLE

I'm trying out for Odyssey Dance Theater next year,

 I miss dance so much and i WANT to dance in thriller !! ahh.

I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time! 

I loved it.

I also loved that me and kim were the ONLY ones laughing. which made me laugh more. which pissed people off, then i laughed so hard i cried[:

as far as costumes go.

Shelby . peacock.

 Shayla . slutty ref.

Kim . 80s girl/hippie/me.

 and

 Me. well i was a mouse.. duh.

[Name that movie " an all time favorite"]

[: MEAN GIRLS :]

 [kim.shay.me.shelb]

[kim.me]

I love kim, probably the most amazing friend i have here.

Scary, Awesome, Radical Weekend

Funnest

weekend

e  v  e  r  !

is "funnest" a word? 

Got to spend the whole weekend with

My Maddie[:

Weekend Check list

4 A.M bed time

Dixie  -  Rock

Body bruised beyond belief

C  A  V  I  N G

New Friends [:

Glow   Sticking

G R A F T E N

Quarters  (w/aqua)

ScArY   MoViEs

      (W E W ...)

               Awesome! 

   GRAFTEN

a Real haunted town

never  been  so scared

I  N       M Y        L I F E 

Maybe  this  will explain why.

there is a post out side the gate with

8 video cameras facing EVERY direction.

the sign out side the gate,    reads: 

"24 hour video surveillance due to paranormal activity"

went in the dirt mound cemetery 

inside the attic of the haunted

house, started to cry

 maybe even peed

a little.

CAVING
A.) get glow sticks
B.) go two miles under the earth
C.)Throw glow matter all over the walls
D.) Cover yourself and everyone else with glow matter
E.) Lay on the ground,
     Scale the wall,
     Sit by a rock,
     any way you do it. your hidden completely,
     "in cognito",
      disguised,

      because its Pitch black, and you and the rock walls are speckled. HOLY fun!

F.) get stepped on because, you were laying on the ground, and someone thought you were a rock.

G.) climb out of the claustrophobic cave, while bruising the majority of your body.

WE all looked stoked huh ? [:

Birthday[:

Its my birthday yes i am NOW LEGAL! for what we might ask? well, the mind will wander of course it will but what i meant was... i can sign my own waivers at college, ya that's what i meant! [;

 ha 18 i know I'm a young'in or so i have heard ALL day !

 but young or not ! today was fabulous!

I woke up too :

My two awesome roommates covering our tiny apartment in streamers ! (including the toilet)
A envelope for "morning" from my mommy[:
28 text messages in the hour of 7 a.m and 3 voice mails.
More calls throughout the whole day !
Gaigey singing happy birthday to me
Balloons at work
Roses from Suzie,
Candies from Adaiza
A "cupcake" but really muffin from the awesome work buddy Kim
(who plays volley ball ! maybe shell teach me ! [:)
Class
More class,
Brownies from Syd
Another Envelope from mommy at "4"
Which led me on a scavenger hunt which left me with : movie tickets, spoon me coupons, massage envy pass(YES!!!) and a printer, and food we all love food right?
Then to my aunts who took me to Lunch/ Dinner cuz I'm a "poor college student"
Then a most awesome phone call with my gorgeous sister and best friend Maddie,

And to finish off the night the FOAM DANCE which i have no pictures of because well.. we were covered in foam thus i opted not to bring my camera ! but use your imagination! it was AWESOME !

Shayla & Shelby my awesome room mates having a splendid hot sweaty in the st George weather time!

those snow cones were about as sick as they look!

my roomies are great!

oh yes and my beautiful toilet.

 AND TOMORROW WERE GOING CLIFF DIVING! GOOD NIGHT FRIENDS[:

TrAuMa...

Traumatized here,, graduation is tomorrow !! so scary :/ i don't want to leave everyone and everything i know.

~QUOTE~

" when one door closes, another one opens; but we so often look so long & regretfully at the closed door, that we do not see the one that has opened for us."

Ill deal and live i mean growing up isn't the worst thing in the world right.. after all its not bad at all its just different. I have wanted to move out for so long,,  i just never thought it would happen so fast..

I learned from someone i really love and respect that, you don't cry,, no matter what..& always look at the bright side of things, you can enjoy life no matter where it takes you or where you take it , and its no use looking at all the negative,,

so i honestly think we should just be happy, after all you only live once, so i say love deeply, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, don't EVER take for granted your time or what you have, be a good person because that's all that matters in the end, fifty years from now it wont matter who you hated what you wore, or weather you got prom queen or not, all that matters is YOU, your character, who you have become and what YOU did for others, i want to be the person that when i die there is so many people at my funeral they wont all fit in one building, where no one ever has anything bad to say about me and every person i ever came in contact with can say ,  " she changed my life, for the better" that's the person I'm striving so hard to be. service project tonight [: I'm working on it!  

with love, Taylor,  

 have a wonderful Wednesday..