Traveling Finally

Every shooting star,

Every bridge i go under, 

Every 11:11 on the clock,

i wish for one thing.

to be able to accomplish all that i want to.

It covers quite a broad  number of things.

that's because I'm extremely indecisive. & i want to go too many places to wish it all in .3 seconds.

well, wishes come true. This post explained my goal and desire to travel the world, and my first opportunity just unfolded into my hands, I applied for This program, so by June 2011 i will be in Thailand !! I'm so excited i almost cried!! i feel like a little kid on Christmas, well any kid on Christmas. Time wont go by fast enough. 

I finally get my own pictures of the most adorable little kids

 beautiful places

and the most incredible life changing experiences,

I get it, for me, i don't have to want it so desperately through others, and before my time in gorgeous Thailand, i get to do 80 hours of community service, most of which i will do with my "little".

 i think i am starting to realize that as i am struggling through my life, and trying to figure out who i am, while it seems others have it so figured out, i just need to serve, to stop thinking about my self and do things for other people and then i will find who I am..

~

Someday i

 Will go to Africa

 will have my own curly head kids

 will be wise and have served many

will do these things. someday.

have an exciting Friday, lots of adventures lie ahead.

Pictures found here

and here

Your Life, Your Last day

Two books i just finished.

1.)  Before i fall

    - Sam dies,

 that day she was mean to her family,

 and a girl at school,

 after she dies she wakes up the next day,

relives that same day,

the same way though,

 she dies again and wakes up ... again,

 she does this for seven days, but by the third day she starts to realize whats important and changes the way that last day of her life happens, it makes me wonder,

 if today were my last day,

would i be happy with the way i lived it ?

2.)  Crank

             - Bree,

from a broken

 family goes to live

 with her dad and ends

up meeting a boy who does

meth, she tries it, gets hooked

and her life goes down hill from there,

it was written by her mother based on a true story,

 all about her struggles and journey on this drug,

she ends up pregnant in the end and the

sequel goes on to the next part of

her life, I'm stoked to read it,

 it was so real and raw,

  beautifully written

 all in poetry.

Today,

a good friend and neighbor took his own life, he had children and a loving wife, they    were always so happy, i don't understand.. i cant even imagine the call your father took his life, or imagine the heartbreak and grieving this family is going through, as i was telling my mom this today, she said you can imagine because you have been there, but i haven't, my dad fought for me and my family, he died a hero and yet i still get angry he left. i cant bear the anger and emotion i would be filled with if he intentionally left me.. my prayers go out to this family.

This

so strongly

ties into the book

"before i fall" is today

the day you would want to

 remember as your last, i know

today would definitely not be the one

 for me,    so as my dad taught I'm going to

 live each moment to the fullest of my ability,

don't wait to follow what your heart desires do it now..

I Am

I AM
-I am a freshman
-I am Tired
-I am Homesick
-I am full of anxiety
-I am a virgin
-I am weak
-I am insecure
-I am confused
                This Week I
             -I got a parking violation
             -I got a speeding ticket
             -I havent even gotten my first pay check
             -I have been frustrated
             -I have been rushed
             -I dont feel at home
             -I missed all my friends
             -I broke out
                                  Tomorow I
                            -I will have a good day
                            -I will be happy
                            -I will not be homesick
                            -I will feel good
                            -I will talk to a stranger
                            -I will make someones day
                                                               I AM
                                                    -I am a freshman
                                                    -I am Beautiful
                                                    -I am well
                                                    -I am strong
                                                    -I am confident
                                                    -I am a virgin
                                                    -I am a Dancer
                                                    -I am an aunt
                                                    -I am recovering
                                                    -I am a friend
                                                    -I am Imperfect
                                                    -I am ME
                                                    -I am Taylor
                                                    -I am not going down

Week [ends]

1st week [end] at college packing and unpacking

2nd week [end] at college cliff jumping !

3rd week [end] at college go camping and home.

a few things i have come to realize.

1.) I'm obviously a freshman because i still call life and school "college".

2.) My sister is the most beautiful, kindred spirit, she is brilliant and remarkable, i look up to her like she would not believe, and she has one of the most amazing spirits anyone could ever have she is so incredibly strong and talented. and i love her with all my heart Maddie is and will always be my best friend. 

3.) Don't ride a motorcycle without proper gear, i would have been dead if it wasn't for my helmet which i put up such a fight to wear. None the less i ended up running through, not past not into but THROUGH a tree & i have wonderful battle wounds to show for it.

4.) Camping isn't "camping" unless you have a "dirtstache" & "dirtunobrow" to show for it.

5.) The cemetery is now a place of solitude, not fear, there i had a long talk with my dad a good cry and a nap afterwards.

[sister]

cliff diving

dirt staches

     The [end] of this week came swiftly but... i realized alot of things i didn't before, and i got to the point where i miss my family ALOT, but i also realized I'm growing up and i am learning new things everyday that are helping me in the process.

have a wonderful week...

[Empty Pages..]You.I.me..

Criticized you. now your weak.
Your insignificant when you speak.
I Bully you still today.
But you just wont seem to go away.
As i look back on the past, i was more cruel to you than ever before.
Punishing you for things you didn't even do and much much more.
I scarred & starved you emotionally and physically, mentally and spiritually.
I hated you and yet i still do.
You have betrayed me once again.
How am i supposed to be your friend.
Mixed emotions whirl inside me.
Because i just cant become the person i want to be.
Why is it you struggle so hard to find your self.
I try every day.
But i still feel like someone else.
Why wont you just do what i say.
Because Your me... I'm You and its impossible to walk away.
All you want is acceptance and love.
A friendship that's real and understood.
It ll come to you i promise its true.
I tell you CONSISTENTLY every day.
But is it a lie...
Am i leading ME astray?

Birthday[:

Its my birthday yes i am NOW LEGAL! for what we might ask? well, the mind will wander of course it will but what i meant was... i can sign my own waivers at college, ya that's what i meant! [;

 ha 18 i know I'm a young'in or so i have heard ALL day !

 but young or not ! today was fabulous!

I woke up too :

My two awesome roommates covering our tiny apartment in streamers ! (including the toilet)
A envelope for "morning" from my mommy[:
28 text messages in the hour of 7 a.m and 3 voice mails.
More calls throughout the whole day !
Gaigey singing happy birthday to me
Balloons at work
Roses from Suzie,
Candies from Adaiza
A "cupcake" but really muffin from the awesome work buddy Kim
(who plays volley ball ! maybe shell teach me ! [:)
Class
More class,
Brownies from Syd
Another Envelope from mommy at "4"
Which led me on a scavenger hunt which left me with : movie tickets, spoon me coupons, massage envy pass(YES!!!) and a printer, and food we all love food right?
Then to my aunts who took me to Lunch/ Dinner cuz I'm a "poor college student"
Then a most awesome phone call with my gorgeous sister and best friend Maddie,

And to finish off the night the FOAM DANCE which i have no pictures of because well.. we were covered in foam thus i opted not to bring my camera ! but use your imagination! it was AWESOME !

Shayla & Shelby my awesome room mates having a splendid hot sweaty in the st George weather time!

those snow cones were about as sick as they look!

my roomies are great!

oh yes and my beautiful toilet.

 AND TOMORROW WERE GOING CLIFF DIVING! GOOD NIGHT FRIENDS[:

Transitioning..

Pre school, coloring
Kinder garten, learn the alphabet,
Elementary, Social skills, & Fundamentals,
Junior High, New social skills, pick a mask, Start on the path to discovery.
High School, Wear your mask, get lead off your path to discovery, learn adult social skills.
College, Starve, learn basic Essential needs, get back on the path to discovery.

As i embark on this new adventure, New city, new room, roommates, buying my own food and toilet paper, say bye to mom, by the way happy late birthday! I look out my window, this is not home.. empty walls downsized bed, cant go to the bathroom with the fear of someone listening to me. New classes, new job.
I'm an adult now, almost.. 18 coming up fast, Time to love and live and see the world how it is, all on my own. messing up and fixing the problem alone, enjoying others company and being my own person, welcome college, new freshman at the door, time to start this wonderful adventure and so much more!
                                                                My Old Room

my comfy BIG bed

my sexy abercrombie poster and my huge Armour

Paris i love you

Big closet with ALL my clothes

my picture wall

 Old room, much more comfortable then.....
                                                     My New Room

My little bed and bare walls

boring stuff and a fan cuz its killer hot!

my tiny closet with less than half of my clothes

Pack, Unpack, say hi, Get settled, Say bye, then Cry a little. But after all is said and done this i have feeling is going to be really fun !

Church tomorrow new ward, also means new boys woohoo [: have a wonderful night!

Angels & Airplanes?

No.. shooting stars!  

3 kids, 11 pm. full of energy, nothing to do, so me, & my clever mind, suggested we lay down in the middle of the street ..

we did.. 

As we lay laughing and talking and laughing some more, we witnessed 8 yes eight, shooting stars.

it was incredible, i found my self wishing the same 4 things on every single one, does that mean they absolutely have to come true ?

i hope..

I guess it lays in the hands of god, after all he is the creator 

he will decide

if what i wish will become.

--------------------------------------------------------------- 

"god really does send angels"

drove out to my cousins recently upon arriving, a little old neighbor came over frantic and asked if we had seen a little dog, we hadn't, so she rushed away, my cousin offered to help her look.

it was hot, i was tired, the last thing i wanted to do was look for a dog, but my conscience got the best of me.

So with that i jumped on the beach cruiser and set off down the road.

not thirty seconds into my bike ride i see a tiny chiuaua running across the road headed for the highway,

so i jump off the bike to grab the tiny dog, walk around the corner, dog in hand, saw the woman and said is this the dog ? she ran to me bawling and hugging me exclaiming  

"god really does send angels"

She told me how i just answered her prayer, and then she just stopped and started crying so i put my arm around her and hugged her. 

On a side note:  

The love that poured from stranger to stranger, made me feel so good, though it was just a tiny dog, I'm grateful for the inspiration i had to look for little Elliot and I'm glad i had the drive to follow it.

Welcome home Elliot! 

She told me i deserved an extra banana split tonight! woohoo.

just goes to show how the little promptings from the spirit, really mean something.

 have a wonderful sunday night [:

10 before im 30

1. Go inside every LDS temple across the world all 152 of them

2. Star in a movie

3. Travel at least 80 percent of the world

4. Live in a foreign country for a year, buy a house in europe and one in the U.S

5. Dance on a cruise ship

6. Date someone from another country

7. Have hair so long i sit on it

8. Stay in the under water hotel

9. Meditate in india, gain 20 pounds in italy, & lose 20 pounds from biking around Bali

10.Get a college degree

...Have a Beautiful Monday...

Concluding Snail

St George this week, i have come to realize, [first] I LOVE GLEE. [second] i am going curly. [third] I'm actually really going to be a freshman in college and have no idea what to expect, [fourth] its going to be killer hot and lastly i have the most wonderful family.

In conclusion,

I sat out side for a hour today relaxing after a crazy week with A & R, and watched these little guys forever, they are disgusting, gross and my cousins used to put them on me because i would cry, 

 and they scared me...

 but as i sat and watched them,

they are kind of intriguing.

  

    

ya i actually do take pictures of snails...

hello.letsplay.iloveyou.goodbye

let me know what concluded your week.

[Empty Pages..] CLEANSE

Splashing on every inch of this small forsaken town.
Trickling water.
Pouring down from the endless atmosphere.
Rain.
so insignificant so subtle.
Depressant ... yet so calming. 
I feel as though i am washed clean, when the earth is cleansed too.
The filth, vulgarity, the scum and poverty.
The peace, nurturing, the warmth and serenity the earth brings to us.

So innocent but so cruel.

Smell the rain.

Indescribable.

EARTH it smells like natural EARTH,

Oh how i wish once i was polluted ... destroyed i could rain down upon myself and wash it all away.

The wet glistens... everywhere you look.

The humid moisture that fills the air... fills my lungs.

The chills have come about now... traveling up my spine.

Rain cleanse me...

Cleanse the earth.

-Taylor Seegmiller

"life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"

[1 of many of my Favorite Quotations]

It rained all day, I love the mood it brings about, It makes me feel calm and collected, like its a brand new start. I love the sound it makes and the smells it gives off.

...I LOVE THE RAIN...

Daddy"O"

Happy Birthday daddy-o

[don't worry we will still always say the flags and parades were for your birthday]

~

when i was 2 all words ended with "o" thus = "daddyo"
 you and mom made me who i am today, i can say I'm proud of that, you made me strong and independent, taught me to live with a positive outlook on life, taught me god gives trials to those he loves and showed me how to solve all my problems. I know your there on the other side watching over me,
when i was 1 you forgot to buckle me in my high chair. but ill give you some credit, i think you were trying..

when i was 2 you bought me that Simba, it never left my side.

once i turned 3 i understood that  

you always knew how to make me laugh and to know i was loved,

even if it meant putting a beer box on my head... 

or by taking us to Disney land twice a year. and spinning us so fast on the teacups we couldn't lift our heads off the sides

 you took me fishing and made me spend the weekend in my underwear!

further more explained here.

 then around the age of 7 you had me shoot this dear. i cried and vowed never to shoot an animal again.

 

which brought about my attitude towards these ducks..

i also think it was kind of freezing!

 

thanks for making me love and embrace my curls!

at a young age, you would take my hair out of its pig tails and fluff it up real big then chase me down the isles of blockbuster,

you taught me to ride horses then bought me my own, you gave me everything a little girl could ever ask for. you loved me unconditionally, and cried with me when i was sad,

then once i was ten and you could no longer move, you would tell me to come sit on your lap and i would cry and you would still comfort me,

thank you dad for helping me to grow everyday.

~

Dear Dad,

you left us, i know its better this way, your not hurting anymore, & i know its less stress on all of us. but at the same time.. i need you. How can 3 little girls grow up without a dad? sometimes i felt like you were the ONLY one who understood me. Your missing so much & i wish you were here to see all that's happening. i still cry sometimes, but i know that your still here.. i just cant see you. its hard to believe in heaven, but i know i have too or else life is just too scary. i wish you were here to give me advice, and to listen when i needed someone especially when i was dealing with drake. i still do need your help.

what happens when I'm married dad? who's supposed to give me away? whats going to happen with my daddy daughter dance? who do i go to when me and mom fight? sometimes i feel like you got out easy but i know you didn't. I'm doing OK, I'm surviving and me and Maddie are really close, jordi is so big now and actually seems like a real person. and I'm starting college this year, that officially makes you really old! i think about you always , i love you and i forgive you.

-Tay
{wrote this is psychology last year}
~
one day we went camping,
 my hair was down to my butt in length and done up in french braids,
 i somehow got my hair stuck in the tent zipper,
 my dad, thinking like a man just chopped off that chunk of hair right off the top of my head,
well then it looked stupid hanging out of my braid, plus he didn't want my mother to know
 so what does he do ?
 he cuts that chunk of hair all the way down to my scalp,
 thinking it wont show,
he forgot i was girl, and it was going to have to grow back.
all fourth grade that piece of hair spent its days under a giant glop of gel !
 Love you dad.
happy birthday[:

Truth ...

In a world of disorder, disaster and fraud. Sometimes only beauty can be trusted. only artistic excellence is INCORRUPTIBLE . Pleasure cannot be bargained down and sometimes the meal is the only currency that is real. To devote yourself to the creation and enjoyment of beauty. Then can be a serious business not always necessarily a means of escaping reality, but sometimes a means of holding onto the real when everything else is flaking away into rhetoric plot.

-Eat Pray Love-

To lose Balance sometimes for Love.. Is part of living a Balanced life.

August 13.. Eat Pray Love come out !Im so excited !

its also Friday the 13th

Freaked ? nah

Last saturday i went with drake to artctic circle to get ice cream. The girl at the window was all " its free Fry day [friday] how many do you want and so we were like uh two, i was thinking wow what an idiot its saturday but heck we get free fries cuz she thinks it friday, it took me till today when my sister was like she didnt say free fry friday she said free fry day.. Turns out im the idiot.

Worked out so much today i thought my head was going to fall off

and can i just state my love and obsession with

'SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE'

have a beautiful thursday.

3 words... [DR] [A] [MA]

DRAMA! my life i run from it.

The drama i mean, not my life, but it seems to just chase me & it obviously has much longer legs than i do because it catches me & then just to add insult to injury it runs me over.

I haven't been able to write any poetry [empty pages..] so.. I'm dealing, because I'm a coper .. [that's not a word but I'm making it one. its the plural of coping in case you were unaware] in my last post i mentioned the huge fire that almost consumed my home, the rattle snake incident, now my 2 year old cousin in the hospital because he ate a blood pressure pill, for a big person, if it bottoms out he dies [he's a "coper" too]. & i went to scout camp today to help, its wonderful chasing boys around ! saying "don't jump off that", "no you cant run with fire", "put the snake down", "why is your hand in there" ?? its a ride for a girl with ONLY sisters.

....have a good laugh......

Holly, is 14 even though she doesn't look it, lets just say she thought she was littler than she was and got stuck in that 2 year old swing, we pulled she didn't budge, in the midst of tears, we dumped her upside down i was laying on my belly in the sand wiggling her out, & to top it off i hate being a woman, if you can call me one! I'm still technically a "young woman" if you were thinking i was a man by that metaphor.. no.

& i really just need chocolate right now!  don't want it... need it!! 

anyone else feel the same??

~have a great day~

they rub dead animals on their faces...and play poke your neighbor.

and Holly.... you get it...