Birthday Time Once Again! LATE

So, I'm 20,

well almost,

today is my birthday,

but my birth hour is 9 o clock and my birth minute was 21..

so if were getting technical, my mom was hiking around Provo and i was calmly and contently burrowed in the womb, until i decided it was my time to hatch into the wonderful person y'all know today (:
that's a joke, seriously.

but honestly, I'm scared to be 20.. that's old. and i don't want to feel old, ever.

i don't really want to grow up,

or age,

or have responsibilities,

 as immature and selfish as that sounds,

its the truth.

 i WANT to be young and selfish, and feel good and have fun, and not care.

 i want nothing LESS than to grow older.

 its seriously scary.

 I'm glad i have friends though, to make my day the absolute best.
20 years ... yeesh
what an age...
 what have i accomplished?
growth, pain, happiness.
pure joy and Ecstasy, satisfaction, hate, animosity,
forgiveness, love, contentment.
 i love who i am.
 what i have, my blessings and what i bring to this space,
 i can give what no one else can, because i am me, the only me that there ever will be on this earth.
 i hate what i can bring as well, but my energy i love.
 I'm me. and I'm the only me i can be.
raw and imperfect. just Taylor Ashley Seegmiller.
plenty flawed, plenty talented, plenty loved and plenty blessed,
i love what i have, who i am, and more importantly who i desire to be.
i love others.
even those who don't love me back.
but the ones who do love me, I'm so grateful for and i need them.
forever in my heart. lies my gratitude and love, another year of growth lies ahead. challenge, grief, happiness, anxiety, gratitude, crazy adventures,
and too much laughter,
 many more tears,
but mostly,
 life,
experience,
and maybe one day,
 ill be ready to age,
and accept the responsibility that comes with that,
but for now, i can only be me and live for right now.
one more year of me.

birthday unicorn!
considering i meant to post this on August 27 2012, but didn't get around to it until October seventeenth approximately 47 days late, i should say something like, I'm too busy to blog anymore, even though this blog used to be the most important thing to me, i honestly wish i had an excuse to why i never write anymore, because writing is what makes me happy.
 but i don't have a n excuse, my excuse was i just didn't do it. i thought about it yes but never got around to it, and then it has been so long you almost don't know where to start. that's all. so i guess ill start over.

 Pizza Factory Birthday dinner.

its interesting to read this. something i wrote on my birthday and now Ive been 20 years old for 47 days. and i still meant every word of what i previously said, even worse though, i feel as though i have become more of what i wrote about versus gently aging and realizing i am grown and mature, i thought maybe i would start to see who i am. i haven't. i think I'm more confused now. oh well. that's life. and I'm still living. breathing. sometimes barely. sometimes too much, but I'm here. and just trying to figure out what my purpose in this space is supposed to be.
..life..
its all shits and giggles, until someone giggles and shits..

 fruit pie cake

 My Britters!

 koby

Gracie Lou

 roses from Ky Ky

 I'm 20 baby, says the pizza!

 thanks for the best party ever babe!

 

All said and done, im happy !

 

Diva Debut #3

Im pretty much a smart one all the time (;

Diva Debut #2

Never trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesnt die.

Lets hope today is interesting.

Diva Debut

             so considering I'm spending the whole entire summer at home, away from my entire social life, I'm feeling extremely, i guess bored would be a good word, also, annoyed, perturbed, and quite impatient as well. therefore, i have given permission to my contemptuous inner diva to manifest itself for the summer, right here on my blog.

Let the disparaging remarks commence:

When I'm feeling down, i like to whistle, it makes the neighbors dog run to the end of its chain and gag itself.

Impossible..

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.

I Believe.

I Believe, people are mostly good
i Believe, in gratitude
i Believe, in being optimistic
i Believe, that I'm a "fixer" but some things
i Believe, i cant fix, but
I Believe, that with enough time, anything can be fixed
i Believe, that everyone deserves love.
i Believe, people are still people despite anything
i Believe, that if anyone is going to respect you, you have to respect yourself first
i Believe, that someone Else's gain, is NOT your loss
i Believe, in being as Christ like as i can
i Believe, im not perfect,
i Believe, that you cant let praise or criticism get to you, it becomes a weakness to get caught ,up in either one.
i Believe, in continuing to love your self despite
i Believe, in forgiveness
i Believe, in happiness
i Believe, in laughter
i Believe, in love
i Believe, in success
i Believe, in being strong
i Believe, that after all you can do. HE will do it for you.
i Believe, we are not given more than we can bear
i Believe, in staying true
i Believe, in confidence
i Believe, that perspective changes everything
i Believe, that exercise is the best medicine
i Believe, your weaknesses can become your strengths
i Believe, that crying is necessary
i Believe, i have a wonderful life
i Believe, that god loves me,
i Believe, he loves everyone
i Believe, that Jesus died for me and understands my every thought.
i Believe, she shares my pain and my joy
i Believe, that sadness is good, because it makes the happiness scream louder
i Believe, that darkness exists so we are grateful for the light
i Believe, that i am loved no matter what
i Believe, in living for today, learning from yesterday, and hoping for tomorrow
i Believe, in fighting for all that i believe

I also Believe, that when you type Believe enough it starts to look like its spelled wrong(:

100th post!

---OK, so i have been thinking about this post for a while, its supposed to be something special or something BEING POST 100.. but i really just couldn't decide what it should be about. so this is what i finally came up with. ---

My life, a whole 19 years 6 months and 7 days,

i am living, just as me, I'm breathing, I'm walking, I'm laughing, I'm running, I'm hurting, I'm loving, I'm smiling, I'm crying, I'm learning, I'm growing, but mostly.. I'm living.

my life is incredible, I'm not dying, I'm not crippled, i have all my senses, i have struggles, but everyone does, and in the whole scheme of things, everything is just not that bad when you look at the bigger picture,

in fact everything is pretty incredible.

 life is complicated.. its hard to get,

so I'm trying to understand the things i can.

 I'm accepting the things i cant,

 I'm changing what needs to be changed,

 and lm letting go the things that i have no control over.

 im just trying to be happy, and that is what i want for the whole entire world, is just to feel happiness radiating through their inards, everyone deserves happiness.

i love being me, i love my soul, i love feeling the way i feel, good and bad.

im embracing my flaws and my imperfections, i love my talents and accomplishments. and

even though things can be sticky.. instead of trying to clean the mess up right away.. i sort of want to play in it first!

The things that make me happy Today

~

LAUGHTER

SUNSHINE

FAMILY

DREAMS

KISSES

SMILES

(REAL) HUGS

THAILAND

FRIENDS
ENDLESS OPPORTUNITIES

CRYING

JUMPING

DANCING

RAIN
CHURCH

SPORTS BRAS

HERBAL TEA

LONG TALKS

REALIZATION

HOT AIR BALLOONS

COLORS

THE ODYSSEY

SPRING TIME

LIVING YOUNG, WILD AND FREE

loving This Song and This One too.

Feeling life coming at me. full force. I love it!

if anyone has any questions

or suggestions

 for my next and upcoming post

 let me know!

9 Years Ago, my life changed for ever.. im grateful.

Feb 15 2003

My dad was in a horrible accident that changed mine, my family's and our closest friends lives forever.

My dad was the most amazing heartfelt Christ like man that ever lived. He was not perfect but by acknowledging that, it made him perfect.

Steven Craig Seegmiller,

strong, passionate, giving, loving, tender hearted, tough, hilarious, father, husband, son, brother, uncle, friend, example, a latter day saint, and so much more, i saw him cry more than i saw my mom cry but its just because he was SO strong willed and passionate in what he believed in.

He spent the last 4 years of his life trying to make up to the lord all the stuff he missed out on in his past, when he was not fully converted to the church, but the day came and he was fully converted and chose to live his life in a way that showed it through every action and every thought.

Feb 15 2003, My dad was in a four wheeler accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down, he broke vertebrae's C4 and C5 and for a year and half our lives were utterly different, he fought though, for me, for Madison, for Jordan, and for my incredible Mom,

Mom i don't know how you do it. raising 3 girls completely alone, all teenage hormonal prepubescent stages had to be tough trying to tackle that all by your self but were all turning out pretty OK so good job!! come to think of it... Dad got out just in time? who wants to deal with teenage girls ? not i.

Ilove my mom and all the people that were there for my family during this traumatic but powerful and growing, challenging time in our lives.

even though sometimes it sucks and its not fair, i miss my dad, but i can feel him close to me as i live my life. I'm OK with it, I'm grateful for the challenge of not having him here but its taught me and continues to teach me to be strong. I'm content with my life and not having a father. and most of all I'm content to be a chosen spirit and daughter of my father and my heavenly father.

~

These are my journal entries from February 15 2003, I was 10 years old. it is now February 15 2012 I'm 19 years old and so grateful for the few moments I shared with my journal and friend during that time.



"--February 15 2003

Today my dad was out riding the forwheeler all by himself looking for dogs when his fourwheeler rolled on him and he got stuck under it for five hours not able to move. finally a guy came and got him out and they hellecopptered him out they had to put him to sleep though because he said he heard a pop in his neck so they thought it was broken but before they put him to sleep he asked for his picture to be taken and they did. so now he's alseep i just barely got to see him. he has tubes down his throught and a big string thing around his head to his mouth. they put him paralized so he wouldnt be in pain their just about to load him into the hellecoppter to take him to L.D.S. Hopsital he was in U.V.R.M.C Hospital first. he's loading now, his eyes are taped shut so they dont dry out theyre loading him in now and strapping him down. My mom is in Tears, people say she's still shocked. Tyler & Angie, Charlie & Dian, Toby & Natalie, The Bishop, The Lees, My Grandma Suzy & Grandpa Denny, My Grandma Judy and her sister aunt Sloan, & My uncle Carl are all there at the Hospital my mom is driving to L.D.S hospital to make sure he's alright, tomorrow he's going into sergery. were staying with michelle and scotty Brockbank they were there too and so was July shipp.

--February 16 2003

today we went to church with Arianna and Brelin we got home. My dad had his sergery at 10:00 my mom just called michelle and told her that the sergery went great we dont know if he is paralized yet but i kno he's not i know he is going to be the same o'l cowboy he is i can tell you he's been through worse man he has 100 lives or something but last night was the worst night i kept dreaming that my dad died and i woke up atleast 6 times in the night to go to the bathroom and i usually dont even go once. oh yah and i forgot to tell you that he did break his neck. Today we are all fasting for my dad. Arie, Bini, Me & Maddie. Jordo is the only one not fasting. after im done writing we are going to make a big poster for him and its going to go all around his room. as soon as i know some more information ill right it down. well by Journal.

-- later today my grandpa denny and uncle chris came by we were making the poster they signed it my grandpa said he had already seen my dad my grandpa said that all the tubes and wires were out and off of him and he's breathing by himself. He has a neck cast thing and he'll be out of the hospital in about 1 month he's doing alright. Debbie and her new boyfriend Matt came over and they signed the poster too. i drew a really good horse, boot, hat & horshoe. yep he's the same o'l crazy cowboy he used to be i knew he would be okay. by. Taylor

--February 17 2003

We slept over at Ari and Bini's again for another night. we are video tapping a dance to perform for my Dad. we are going to go visit him right after we tape it and were tapping it right now. i just found out that he cant go to my daddy daughter date its on thursday todays monday so im either not going or tobby is going with me."

 It is written just the way it was in my journal,

 so forgive the spelling, i was only in the 5th grade.

-Love Taylor Seegmiller

under the four wheeler for 5 hours. 

many months in the hospital 

i love my dad with all my heart and im so grateful we will be together forever. also i love all the people whom i have in my life! thank you all for everything you do !

Oh Mom.

Today was one of those days, actually this week has just been one of those weeks, I'm super stressed but not like i have anything to be really stressed about..

but here lie some of my issues. i cannot stop eating. its nothing bad but its just way too much its stressing me out, i cry about it everyday i know its stupid, eating is just eating right? no its not its so stressful and i just cant stop. I'm so tired, and i take longer than 2 hour naps every single day. its ridiculous, i fall asleep in almost every class and then i come home and sleep some more, i hate it. i cant do anything. as i expressed my pittifulness to my mom,(she always fixes everything) in a moment of tears over the phone this is what our conversation came to.

Mom: sweety, Heavenly Father is knocking on your door, you just have to be the one to choose to answer it.
Me: but I'm too tired to get up...
Mom: .... well you can just try yelling COME IN!! ...

and then the tears were replaced with laughter,

 i love my mom so much i don't know what i did to deserve her but it had to have been something pretty worth while.

i am not

meaning to splurge

 all my whineage,

 just thought it was a

good story !

 i hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!

M.I.A

i have been missing in action for basically an entire semester. its just been overwhelming with school and life, and my life gets pretty dramatic, maybe i just see it that way.


But on the flip side! i auditioned for The Odyssey, and after acting like a Lion, Siren, Pig, and Wind Storm... (literally), getting a body evaluation, talk about making kids self conscious.. and then a cold reading i made the show! I'm Penelope! weirdest audition i have ever done.. but i guess I'm a lioness as they said!
i got asked to perform at KCACTF with Bryant, but he has been like acting forever and i feel like everyone going is so experienced and I'm just a dumb little newbie but it will be a good experience! ... hopefully.

also my toilet was clogged thank you roommate (you disgusting animal)... but is no longer.. thank you old man.. for having the most vile job on the planet, so sorry your eyes had to see that.. and though winter never came. its beginning to feel like spring and its warm and that makes me happy! new semester! new start! now if only i could get the boys in my life to work the way i want them too.. why must this be such a complicated task!