Monday, August 30, 2010

[Empty Pages..]

Criticized you. now your weak.
Your insignificant when you speak.
I Bully you still today.
But you just wont seem to go away.
As i look back on the past, i was more cruel to you than ever before.
Punishing you for things you didn't even do and much much more.
scarred & starved you emotionally and physically, mentally and spiritually.
I hated you and yet i still do.
You have betrayed me once again.
How am i supposed to be your friend.
Mixed emotions whirl inside me.
Because i just cant become the person i want to be.
Why is it you struggle so hard to find your self.
I try every day.
But i still feel like someone else.
Why wont you just do what i say.
Because Your me... I'm You and its impossible to walk away.
All you want is acceptance and love.
A friendship that's real and understood.
It ll come to you i promise its true.
I tell you CONSISTENTLY every day.
But is it a lie...
Am i leading ME astray?

Saturday, August 28, 2010


Its my birthday yes i am NOW LEGAL! for what we might ask? well, the mind will wander of course it will but what i meant was... i can sign my own waivers at college, ya that's what i meant! [;
 ha 18 i know I'm a young'in or so i have heard ALL day !
 but young or not ! today was fabulous!
I woke up too :
My two awesome roommates covering our tiny apartment in streamers ! (including the toilet)
A envelope for "morning" from my mommy[:
28 text messages in the hour of 7 a.m and 3 voice mails.
More calls throughout the whole day !
Gaigey singing happy birthday to me
Balloons at work
Roses from Suzie,
Candies from Adaiza
A "cupcake" but really muffin from the awesome work buddy Kim
(who plays volley ball ! maybe shell teach me ! [:)
More class,
Brownies from Syd
Another Envelope from mommy at "4"
Which led me on a scavenger hunt which left me with : movie tickets, spoon me coupons, massage envy pass(YES!!!) and a printer, and food we all love food right?
Then to my aunts who took me to Lunch/ Dinner cuz I'm a "poor college student"
Then a most awesome phone call with my gorgeous sister and best friend Maddie,
And to finish off the night the FOAM DANCE which i have no pictures of because well.. we were covered in foam thus i opted not to bring my camera ! but use your imagination! it was AWESOME !
Shayla & Shelby my awesome room mates having a splendid hot sweaty in the st George weather time!
those snow cones were about as sick as they look!
my roomies are great!
oh yes and my beautiful toilet.

Saturday, August 21, 2010


Pre school, coloring
Kinder garten, learn the alphabet,
Elementary, Social skills, & Fundamentals,
Junior High, New social skills, pick a mask, Start on the path to discovery.
High School, Wear your mask, get lead off your path to discovery, learn adult social skills.
College, Starve, learn basic Essential needs, get back on the path to discovery.

As i embark on this new adventure, New city, new room, roommates, buying my own food and toilet paper, say bye to mom, by the way happy late birthday! I look out my window, this is not home.. empty walls downsized bed, cant go to the bathroom with the fear of someone listening to me. New classes, new job.
I'm an adult now, almost.. 18 coming up fast, Time to love and live and see the world how it is, all on my own. messing up and fixing the problem alone, enjoying others company and being my own person, welcome college, new freshman at the door, time to start this wonderful adventure and so much more!
                                                                My Old Room
my comfy BIG bed
my sexy abercrombie poster and my huge Armour
Paris i love you
Big closet with ALL my clothes
my picture wall
 Old room, much more comfortable then.....
                                                     My New Room
My little bed and bare walls
boring stuff and a fan cuz its killer hot!
my tiny closet with less than half of my clothes
Pack, Unpack, say hi, Get settled, Say bye, then Cry a little. But after all is said and done this i have feeling is going to be really fun !

Church tomorrow new ward, also means new boys woohoo [: have a wonderful night!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Angels & Airplanes?

No.. shooting stars!  
3 kids, 11 pm. full of energy, nothing to do, so me, & my clever mind, suggested we lay down in the middle of the street ..
we did.. 
As we lay laughing and talking and laughing some more, we witnessed 8 yes eight, shooting stars.
it was incredible, i found my self wishing the same 4 things on every single one, does that mean they absolutely have to come true ?
i hope..
I guess it lays in the hands of god, after all he is the creator 
he will decide
if what i wish will become.
"god really does send angels"
drove out to my cousins recently upon arriving, a little old neighbor came over frantic and asked if we had seen a little dog, we hadn't, so she rushed away, my cousin offered to help her look.
it was hot, i was tired, the last thing i wanted to do was look for a dog, but my conscience got the best of me.

So with that i jumped on the beach cruiser and set off down the road.
not thirty seconds into my bike ride i see a tiny chiuaua running across the road headed for the highway,
so i jump off the bike to grab the tiny dog, walk around the corner, dog in hand, saw the woman and said is this the dog ? she ran to me bawling and hugging me exclaiming  
"god really does send angels"
She told me how i just answered her prayer, and then she just stopped and started crying so i put my arm around her and hugged her. 

On a side note:  
The love that poured from stranger to stranger, made me feel so good, though it was just a tiny dog, I'm grateful for the inspiration i had to look for little Elliot and I'm glad i had the drive to follow it.
Welcome home Elliot! 
She told me i deserved an extra banana split tonight! woohoo.
just goes to show how the little promptings from the spirit, really mean something.

 have a wonderful sunday night [:

Monday, August 9, 2010

10 before im 30

1. Go inside every LDS temple across the world all 152 of them
2. Star in a movie
3. Travel at least 80 percent of the world
4. Live in a foreign country for a year, buy a house in europe and one in the U.S
5. Dance on a cruise ship
6. Date someone from another country
7. Have hair so long i sit on it
8. Stay in the under water hotel
9. Meditate in india, gain 20 pounds in italy, & lose 20 pounds from biking around Bali
10.Get a college degree

...Have a Beautiful Monday...

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Concluding Snail

St George this week, i have come to realize, [first] I LOVE GLEE. [second] i am going curly. [third] I'm actually really going to be a freshman in college and have no idea what to expect, [fourth] its going to be killer hot and lastly i have the most wonderful family.
In conclusion,
I sat out side for a hour today relaxing after a crazy week with A & R, and watched these little guys forever, they are disgusting, gross and my cousins used to put them on me because i would cry, 
 and they scared me...
 but as i sat and watched them,
they are kind of intriguing.
ya i actually do take pictures of snails...

let me know what concluded your week.