Birthday Time Once Again! LATE

So, I'm 20,

well almost,

today is my birthday,

but my birth hour is 9 o clock and my birth minute was 21..

so if were getting technical, my mom was hiking around Provo and i was calmly and contently burrowed in the womb, until i decided it was my time to hatch into the wonderful person y'all know today (:
that's a joke, seriously.

but honestly, I'm scared to be 20.. that's old. and i don't want to feel old, ever.

i don't really want to grow up,

or age,

or have responsibilities,

 as immature and selfish as that sounds,

its the truth.

 i WANT to be young and selfish, and feel good and have fun, and not care.

 i want nothing LESS than to grow older.

 its seriously scary.

 I'm glad i have friends though, to make my day the absolute best.
20 years ... yeesh
what an age...
 what have i accomplished?
growth, pain, happiness.
pure joy and Ecstasy, satisfaction, hate, animosity,
forgiveness, love, contentment.
 i love who i am.
 what i have, my blessings and what i bring to this space,
 i can give what no one else can, because i am me, the only me that there ever will be on this earth.
 i hate what i can bring as well, but my energy i love.
 I'm me. and I'm the only me i can be.
raw and imperfect. just Taylor Ashley Seegmiller.
plenty flawed, plenty talented, plenty loved and plenty blessed,
i love what i have, who i am, and more importantly who i desire to be.
i love others.
even those who don't love me back.
but the ones who do love me, I'm so grateful for and i need them.
forever in my heart. lies my gratitude and love, another year of growth lies ahead. challenge, grief, happiness, anxiety, gratitude, crazy adventures,
and too much laughter,
 many more tears,
but mostly,
 life,
experience,
and maybe one day,
 ill be ready to age,
and accept the responsibility that comes with that,
but for now, i can only be me and live for right now.
one more year of me.

birthday unicorn!
considering i meant to post this on August 27 2012, but didn't get around to it until October seventeenth approximately 47 days late, i should say something like, I'm too busy to blog anymore, even though this blog used to be the most important thing to me, i honestly wish i had an excuse to why i never write anymore, because writing is what makes me happy.
 but i don't have a n excuse, my excuse was i just didn't do it. i thought about it yes but never got around to it, and then it has been so long you almost don't know where to start. that's all. so i guess ill start over.

 Pizza Factory Birthday dinner.

its interesting to read this. something i wrote on my birthday and now Ive been 20 years old for 47 days. and i still meant every word of what i previously said, even worse though, i feel as though i have become more of what i wrote about versus gently aging and realizing i am grown and mature, i thought maybe i would start to see who i am. i haven't. i think I'm more confused now. oh well. that's life. and I'm still living. breathing. sometimes barely. sometimes too much, but I'm here. and just trying to figure out what my purpose in this space is supposed to be.
..life..
its all shits and giggles, until someone giggles and shits..

 fruit pie cake

 My Britters!

 koby

Gracie Lou

 roses from Ky Ky

 I'm 20 baby, says the pizza!

 thanks for the best party ever babe!

 

All said and done, im happy !

 

9 Years Ago, my life changed for ever.. im grateful.

Feb 15 2003

My dad was in a horrible accident that changed mine, my family's and our closest friends lives forever.

My dad was the most amazing heartfelt Christ like man that ever lived. He was not perfect but by acknowledging that, it made him perfect.

Steven Craig Seegmiller,

strong, passionate, giving, loving, tender hearted, tough, hilarious, father, husband, son, brother, uncle, friend, example, a latter day saint, and so much more, i saw him cry more than i saw my mom cry but its just because he was SO strong willed and passionate in what he believed in.

He spent the last 4 years of his life trying to make up to the lord all the stuff he missed out on in his past, when he was not fully converted to the church, but the day came and he was fully converted and chose to live his life in a way that showed it through every action and every thought.

Feb 15 2003, My dad was in a four wheeler accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down, he broke vertebrae's C4 and C5 and for a year and half our lives were utterly different, he fought though, for me, for Madison, for Jordan, and for my incredible Mom,

Mom i don't know how you do it. raising 3 girls completely alone, all teenage hormonal prepubescent stages had to be tough trying to tackle that all by your self but were all turning out pretty OK so good job!! come to think of it... Dad got out just in time? who wants to deal with teenage girls ? not i.

Ilove my mom and all the people that were there for my family during this traumatic but powerful and growing, challenging time in our lives.

even though sometimes it sucks and its not fair, i miss my dad, but i can feel him close to me as i live my life. I'm OK with it, I'm grateful for the challenge of not having him here but its taught me and continues to teach me to be strong. I'm content with my life and not having a father. and most of all I'm content to be a chosen spirit and daughter of my father and my heavenly father.

~

These are my journal entries from February 15 2003, I was 10 years old. it is now February 15 2012 I'm 19 years old and so grateful for the few moments I shared with my journal and friend during that time.



"--February 15 2003

Today my dad was out riding the forwheeler all by himself looking for dogs when his fourwheeler rolled on him and he got stuck under it for five hours not able to move. finally a guy came and got him out and they hellecopptered him out they had to put him to sleep though because he said he heard a pop in his neck so they thought it was broken but before they put him to sleep he asked for his picture to be taken and they did. so now he's alseep i just barely got to see him. he has tubes down his throught and a big string thing around his head to his mouth. they put him paralized so he wouldnt be in pain their just about to load him into the hellecoppter to take him to L.D.S. Hopsital he was in U.V.R.M.C Hospital first. he's loading now, his eyes are taped shut so they dont dry out theyre loading him in now and strapping him down. My mom is in Tears, people say she's still shocked. Tyler & Angie, Charlie & Dian, Toby & Natalie, The Bishop, The Lees, My Grandma Suzy & Grandpa Denny, My Grandma Judy and her sister aunt Sloan, & My uncle Carl are all there at the Hospital my mom is driving to L.D.S hospital to make sure he's alright, tomorrow he's going into sergery. were staying with michelle and scotty Brockbank they were there too and so was July shipp.

--February 16 2003

today we went to church with Arianna and Brelin we got home. My dad had his sergery at 10:00 my mom just called michelle and told her that the sergery went great we dont know if he is paralized yet but i kno he's not i know he is going to be the same o'l cowboy he is i can tell you he's been through worse man he has 100 lives or something but last night was the worst night i kept dreaming that my dad died and i woke up atleast 6 times in the night to go to the bathroom and i usually dont even go once. oh yah and i forgot to tell you that he did break his neck. Today we are all fasting for my dad. Arie, Bini, Me & Maddie. Jordo is the only one not fasting. after im done writing we are going to make a big poster for him and its going to go all around his room. as soon as i know some more information ill right it down. well by Journal.

-- later today my grandpa denny and uncle chris came by we were making the poster they signed it my grandpa said he had already seen my dad my grandpa said that all the tubes and wires were out and off of him and he's breathing by himself. He has a neck cast thing and he'll be out of the hospital in about 1 month he's doing alright. Debbie and her new boyfriend Matt came over and they signed the poster too. i drew a really good horse, boot, hat & horshoe. yep he's the same o'l crazy cowboy he used to be i knew he would be okay. by. Taylor

--February 17 2003

We slept over at Ari and Bini's again for another night. we are video tapping a dance to perform for my Dad. we are going to go visit him right after we tape it and were tapping it right now. i just found out that he cant go to my daddy daughter date its on thursday todays monday so im either not going or tobby is going with me."

 It is written just the way it was in my journal,

 so forgive the spelling, i was only in the 5th grade.

-Love Taylor Seegmiller

under the four wheeler for 5 hours. 

many months in the hospital 

i love my dad with all my heart and im so grateful we will be together forever. also i love all the people whom i have in my life! thank you all for everything you do !

Oh Mom.

Today was one of those days, actually this week has just been one of those weeks, I'm super stressed but not like i have anything to be really stressed about..

but here lie some of my issues. i cannot stop eating. its nothing bad but its just way too much its stressing me out, i cry about it everyday i know its stupid, eating is just eating right? no its not its so stressful and i just cant stop. I'm so tired, and i take longer than 2 hour naps every single day. its ridiculous, i fall asleep in almost every class and then i come home and sleep some more, i hate it. i cant do anything. as i expressed my pittifulness to my mom,(she always fixes everything) in a moment of tears over the phone this is what our conversation came to.

Mom: sweety, Heavenly Father is knocking on your door, you just have to be the one to choose to answer it.
Me: but I'm too tired to get up...
Mom: .... well you can just try yelling COME IN!! ...

and then the tears were replaced with laughter,

 i love my mom so much i don't know what i did to deserve her but it had to have been something pretty worth while.

i am not

meaning to splurge

 all my whineage,

 just thought it was a

good story !

 i hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!

No november posts?

 That's so sad, i didn't realize how long it has been since i have updated.

 i guess life's not currently the most interesting...

 only 6 more days of school that's exciting! 

 then 4  days of finals! thanksgiving was EXCELLENT as was Halloween which i got to spend with my cute cousins and family !

This Thanksgiving I'm very grateful for...

my mom and the love she shows me

my grandmother and the time we spend together

my sisters and the friends were becoming

my country

my body, healthy strong and able

when my stomach tells me I'm full but i still have pie to eat

my talents

my gospel

my testimony

laughter

smiles

endless opportunities

I'm grateful for my life.

Happy December first!!

make this month the most joyful

and give love and blessings

to all who surround you.

Halloween

 do this face chelc... close... 

 my pooh bear trick or treat buddy !

9/11/2001 in the eyes of a 9 year old.

[ i just skimmed through my journal and found this entry back from when i was 9]
~

My mom cried, she served her LDS mission in New York and New Jersey and it was and still is a special place in her heart, at that age i didnt understand how many people died, how many people risked their lives, the children who lost parents and families who lost loved ones.

 True heroes were born, and im so grateful to those who continue to risk their lives to protect me and my country, im proud to be and American.

~

God Bless those in need today.

Birthday[:

Today is my Birthday [:

and it was amazing. actually techinicallys it was last saturday but i wrote this on it so it counts . friday we had burffday breffast, at 7 , class, fun, burffday dinner, friends, foam dance ! awesome! family came all the way to st george, shopping, more breffast on saturday (my real burffday) cute shirts! awesome books, most amazing family time, gramma, sister and mom, temple time, smoothies and THAI FOOD , with mango sticky rice! family leaves, (SAD DAY) lots of face book love, and cake + birthday wishes[: good day [: great day !

this little squirt has grown up so much !!

 my little sister jordans birthday was on the 6th of august

 she got shirt i liked and i borrowed it a couple times, she knew how much i loved it so she gave it to me for my birthday .. she is serioulsy the cutest! 

 love you J!

Have a marvelous week everyone [:

Dont forget to smile!

Holidays

yes I'm a few days behind,

but who has time to blog on their vaca? OK i do, ha "guilty"

but i truly had a wonderful Christmas i got so many awesome gifts and got to spend it with all my family including my beautiful grandma and my cousins! it was so much fun !

i love the snow and we seriously got so much we were like snowed in! except driving in ti is no bueno..

 the lights are probably my favorite things about the holidays. and the spirit it all brings.

some of my very favorite things i got were..

-3 sheet music books!! yay ! guitar, piano, and Vocal I'm so stoked i can play and sing! i got 2 glee books and the mama Mia book!

-my itouch ! i have wanted one of these forever I'm finally apart of the 21st century[: and its so much fun, i discover something new on it every day.

-I also got new boots , what can i say? I'm a boot lover.

-2 super cute coats but not the big ones, the perfect lite st George weather coats,

-Eat pray love the movie!! and my best friends wedding, I'm in love with Julia Roberts... seriously.

and tons more,

 i was just happy this season.

 hopefully i can find a new car soon and

 Happy 2011!

great things are in store for this year, I'm so excited, i can feel the greatness on the way.

my goal : to be optimistic about EVERYTHING that happens.

to travel, and to love me, for me, and chase my dreams.

happy holidays everyone!!

HallOwEEn[:

[kim.me]

Halloweens eve

~

 technically i didn't do anything on Halloween,

because it was sunday..

 except i went to a pretty amazing fireside...

but as of Halloween celebrations

.. Thriller..

 First off.

 INCREDIBLE

I'm trying out for Odyssey Dance Theater next year,

 I miss dance so much and i WANT to dance in thriller !! ahh.

I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time! 

I loved it.

I also loved that me and kim were the ONLY ones laughing. which made me laugh more. which pissed people off, then i laughed so hard i cried[:

as far as costumes go.

Shelby . peacock.

 Shayla . slutty ref.

Kim . 80s girl/hippie/me.

 and

 Me. well i was a mouse.. duh.

[Name that movie " an all time favorite"]

[: MEAN GIRLS :]

 [kim.shay.me.shelb]

[kim.me]

I love kim, probably the most amazing friend i have here.

Week [ends]

1st week [end] at college packing and unpacking

2nd week [end] at college cliff jumping !

3rd week [end] at college go camping and home.

a few things i have come to realize.

1.) I'm obviously a freshman because i still call life and school "college".

2.) My sister is the most beautiful, kindred spirit, she is brilliant and remarkable, i look up to her like she would not believe, and she has one of the most amazing spirits anyone could ever have she is so incredibly strong and talented. and i love her with all my heart Maddie is and will always be my best friend. 

3.) Don't ride a motorcycle without proper gear, i would have been dead if it wasn't for my helmet which i put up such a fight to wear. None the less i ended up running through, not past not into but THROUGH a tree & i have wonderful battle wounds to show for it.

4.) Camping isn't "camping" unless you have a "dirtstache" & "dirtunobrow" to show for it.

5.) The cemetery is now a place of solitude, not fear, there i had a long talk with my dad a good cry and a nap afterwards.

[sister]

cliff diving

dirt staches

     The [end] of this week came swiftly but... i realized alot of things i didn't before, and i got to the point where i miss my family ALOT, but i also realized I'm growing up and i am learning new things everyday that are helping me in the process.

have a wonderful week...

Birthday[:

Its my birthday yes i am NOW LEGAL! for what we might ask? well, the mind will wander of course it will but what i meant was... i can sign my own waivers at college, ya that's what i meant! [;

 ha 18 i know I'm a young'in or so i have heard ALL day !

 but young or not ! today was fabulous!

I woke up too :

My two awesome roommates covering our tiny apartment in streamers ! (including the toilet)
A envelope for "morning" from my mommy[:
28 text messages in the hour of 7 a.m and 3 voice mails.
More calls throughout the whole day !
Gaigey singing happy birthday to me
Balloons at work
Roses from Suzie,
Candies from Adaiza
A "cupcake" but really muffin from the awesome work buddy Kim
(who plays volley ball ! maybe shell teach me ! [:)
Class
More class,
Brownies from Syd
Another Envelope from mommy at "4"
Which led me on a scavenger hunt which left me with : movie tickets, spoon me coupons, massage envy pass(YES!!!) and a printer, and food we all love food right?
Then to my aunts who took me to Lunch/ Dinner cuz I'm a "poor college student"
Then a most awesome phone call with my gorgeous sister and best friend Maddie,

And to finish off the night the FOAM DANCE which i have no pictures of because well.. we were covered in foam thus i opted not to bring my camera ! but use your imagination! it was AWESOME !

Shayla & Shelby my awesome room mates having a splendid hot sweaty in the st George weather time!

those snow cones were about as sick as they look!

my roomies are great!

oh yes and my beautiful toilet.

 AND TOMORROW WERE GOING CLIFF DIVING! GOOD NIGHT FRIENDS[: