Impossible..

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.

I Believe.

I Believe, people are mostly good
i Believe, in gratitude
i Believe, in being optimistic
i Believe, that I'm a "fixer" but some things
i Believe, i cant fix, but
I Believe, that with enough time, anything can be fixed
i Believe, that everyone deserves love.
i Believe, people are still people despite anything
i Believe, that if anyone is going to respect you, you have to respect yourself first
i Believe, that someone Else's gain, is NOT your loss
i Believe, in being as Christ like as i can
i Believe, im not perfect,
i Believe, that you cant let praise or criticism get to you, it becomes a weakness to get caught ,up in either one.
i Believe, in continuing to love your self despite
i Believe, in forgiveness
i Believe, in happiness
i Believe, in laughter
i Believe, in love
i Believe, in success
i Believe, in being strong
i Believe, that after all you can do. HE will do it for you.
i Believe, we are not given more than we can bear
i Believe, in staying true
i Believe, in confidence
i Believe, that perspective changes everything
i Believe, that exercise is the best medicine
i Believe, your weaknesses can become your strengths
i Believe, that crying is necessary
i Believe, i have a wonderful life
i Believe, that god loves me,
i Believe, he loves everyone
i Believe, that Jesus died for me and understands my every thought.
i Believe, she shares my pain and my joy
i Believe, that sadness is good, because it makes the happiness scream louder
i Believe, that darkness exists so we are grateful for the light
i Believe, that i am loved no matter what
i Believe, in living for today, learning from yesterday, and hoping for tomorrow
i Believe, in fighting for all that i believe

I also Believe, that when you type Believe enough it starts to look like its spelled wrong(:

100th post!

---OK, so i have been thinking about this post for a while, its supposed to be something special or something BEING POST 100.. but i really just couldn't decide what it should be about. so this is what i finally came up with. ---

My life, a whole 19 years 6 months and 7 days,

i am living, just as me, I'm breathing, I'm walking, I'm laughing, I'm running, I'm hurting, I'm loving, I'm smiling, I'm crying, I'm learning, I'm growing, but mostly.. I'm living.

my life is incredible, I'm not dying, I'm not crippled, i have all my senses, i have struggles, but everyone does, and in the whole scheme of things, everything is just not that bad when you look at the bigger picture,

in fact everything is pretty incredible.

 life is complicated.. its hard to get,

so I'm trying to understand the things i can.

 I'm accepting the things i cant,

 I'm changing what needs to be changed,

 and lm letting go the things that i have no control over.

 im just trying to be happy, and that is what i want for the whole entire world, is just to feel happiness radiating through their inards, everyone deserves happiness.

i love being me, i love my soul, i love feeling the way i feel, good and bad.

im embracing my flaws and my imperfections, i love my talents and accomplishments. and

even though things can be sticky.. instead of trying to clean the mess up right away.. i sort of want to play in it first!

The things that make me happy Today

~

LAUGHTER

SUNSHINE

FAMILY

DREAMS

KISSES

SMILES

(REAL) HUGS

THAILAND

FRIENDS
ENDLESS OPPORTUNITIES

CRYING

JUMPING

DANCING

RAIN
CHURCH

SPORTS BRAS

HERBAL TEA

LONG TALKS

REALIZATION

HOT AIR BALLOONS

COLORS

THE ODYSSEY

SPRING TIME

LIVING YOUNG, WILD AND FREE

loving This Song and This One too.

Feeling life coming at me. full force. I love it!

if anyone has any questions

or suggestions

 for my next and upcoming post

 let me know!

No one should have to feel this way.

No one

 should have to feel this way,

this is why im working toward the proffession i am.

 i want to help people,

everyone needs to just be loved.

i cried right along with this little boy.

make someone  feel better today,

not worse.

quote. challenge. happy.

"i just want to be happy"

i miss my Thai kids and their cute little laughs

This song; Happy has been stuck in my head all week, i LOVE it.

"Maybe my life hasnt been so chaotic, its just the world that is and the only real trap is getting attatched to any of it. ruin is a gift, ruin is the road to transformation. always be prepared for endless waves of transformation." -Eat Pray Love



Im taking on a new challenge. everyone should try it.
-never with hold a compliment.

We are More than We are, We are One.

As you go through life you ll see, there is so much that we.. don't understand..
And the only thing we know, is things don't always go.. the way we planned..
But you'll see everyday that well never turn away, when it seems all your dreams come undone. we will stand by your side, filled with hope and filled with pride,
We are more than we are, we are one.
If there's so much i must be, can i still just be me.. the way i am..
Can i trust in my own heart, or am i just one part.. of some big plan.
Even those who are gone, are with us as we go on, your journey has only begun..
Tears of pain, tears of joy, one thing nothing can destroy,
is our pride deep inside, we are one,
family, family, we are one. family, family, we are one.
We are one you and i, we are like the earth and the sky, one family under the sun..
All the wisdom to lead of the courage that you need, you will find when you see, we are one...

just one of those days. the down kind of days, i miss my dad.

 a revelation my mom had,

The lion king.

 i watched it over and over and over again from age 2 until age 6, my pet simba that my dad got me i took everywhere, and just now im piecing together that its MY story. i bawled when mufasa died at age four,

 and i bawled today as i watched it and thought of my own dad.

 "But dont worry daddy, Hakuna Matata is up soon".

Me and My Simba, Me.

He lives in you, in your relfection

he lives in me, in my relfection

Simba, you have forgotten who you are,

 and so forgotten me.

Taylor, you have forgotten who you are,

 and so forgotten me.

Look inside your self, you are more than what you have become.

you must take your place in the circle of life.

Remember who you are

Simba,                                                                                                                                                        Taylor,

you are my child,

and the one true king.

and the one true you,

 daughter of heavenly father.

daughter of my father.

remember who you are,

remember.

9/11/2001 in the eyes of a 9 year old.

[ i just skimmed through my journal and found this entry back from when i was 9]
~

My mom cried, she served her LDS mission in New York and New Jersey and it was and still is a special place in her heart, at that age i didnt understand how many people died, how many people risked their lives, the children who lost parents and families who lost loved ones.

 True heroes were born, and im so grateful to those who continue to risk their lives to protect me and my country, im proud to be and American.

~

God Bless those in need today.

Confused..Frustrated..Leave it behind.

confused?

ya me too,

my brain and my life feel like this picture looks.

Off too the Caribbean tonight,

 [Friday the 13th in an airplane? bit sketched, oh well if i die i guess it'll be quick. I have zero objections.]

 Hopefully it'll be a nice release of all the thoughts and emotions I'm feeling right now that are so complicated and seem like just too much for me to handle.

It will all work out the way its supposed to i know.. life will, and all the things I'm thinking about, and am confused as heck about will work out, i just cant see it right now, and i know me, i tend to give up the things i want most for the things i want now,, and i cant do that right now, there is just too much.

 but I'm done feeling sad, and crying, i need to focus on exactly whats at hand, and right now its the cruise!

then Thailand

 Im going to eat and bake in the sun and play in the water,

"you gotta leave all your lovin, your longin, behind, you cant carry it with you if you want to survive".

it'll all work out, so lets be optimistic, shall we..

Summers Must See's

My favorite movies this year..

Soul Surfer

Incredible story, pretty sure i cried, and it made me remember that someone always has it worse than me. " I don't need easy i just need possible" 

I loved it.

 Bethany Hamilton is such and amazing example and strong determined girl.

plus now i wish i could surf.

Water for Elephants

I cried 3 times during this movie, and now I'm pretty sure your thinking I'm a boob, but I'm not i promise, it was just really good, plus i love animals.

and Reese Witherspoon is so amazing and beautiful.

definitely a major role model,

but besides that the movie was just incredible!

Such good stories and life lessons, their just "make you feel good" movies, and I love getting out of my life for a little bit and being able to totally immerse my self into somebody else's story.

my life...

 has no meaning right now,

so why not watch movies for hours on end? 

I realize i need to be doing something all the time

or at least feeling needed or being thought about all the time,

otherwise... i feel like this..

totally bored.

Happy Summer Days[:

Song?

Taylor's Rules, or Guidelines, or Whatever.

1. Only 1 treat a week. ONE.
2. No eating after 7:00.
3. Only weigh once a week.
4. No more talk or obsessing about boys.
5. No more swearing.
6. Positive affirmations must be said every morning.
7. Scriptures and prayers every morning and night.
8. No more back biting, judging, or talking bad.
9. Aim for a healthy goal weight not an impossible one.
10. Set a new goal every week.
11. Don’t obsess or over think everything.
12. 1 hour of cardio 5 days a week, no exceptions.
13. Facebook only ONCE a day. Final.
14. spend tons of time in St George.
(if i think of anymore ill add them.)

these are the rules I'm living by starting this summer, because i don't want to obsess over my weight all summer, nor do i want to gain weight this summer, nor do i want to be stressed this summer, nor do i want to spend the whole summer on face book, and i DONT want anxiety this summer, and i feel like I'm 3 days into summer and my anxiety is already through the roof! holy. i need to calm down breathe and believe everything will work out the way that its supposed to.

RECAP:
finals :
        Music-A
        Theatre-B
        Nutrition- B+
        Psychology-A-
        English-A-
Thursday me and Grace got our hair done, and we decided, were divas, because we deserve to be, and clarification to anyone who wants to know, there is a huge difference between Diva and Bitch.

Friday, me and My roomie Lexie, got glitter toes, got our eye brows waxed,

 I went to graduation with Hannah, and got really sad, because once again, i had to say bye to people, its not fair i just met all these amazing people and now i have to say bye to them, A) cuz I'm going home, and B) because their old and graduating! and then i packed up and drove home, it was the fastest 4 hours from st George to home i have driven, maybe its because i was thinking so much.. and then yesterday, Saturday i spent the entire day literally from 7:30 A.M to 8:23 P.M at Lagoon Dance Competition, i love dance i have competed forever, but now that I'm not dancing, nor competing being there all day doing nothing, sucked, bad. and i had really bad anxiety the whole time ugh.

On a good note: I stopped biting my nails! and they are so pretty!!

Spring:

I'm extremely happy, the sun beats down on my face,

on my whole body, it feels incredible.

upset.. a little, the last place i want to be is class, 

I'm too warm to be cooped inside.

i want to be out laying in the sun,

i want to run and have nothing holding me back,

no huge fat tests to study for,

i need to be floating on a big ship in the ocean,

 not writing a 10 page paper.

no finals to start thinking about,

thin, my patience is growing for school.

stop eating. and look outside the window,

at the beauty and light that awaits out side 

OK. 

~

breathe in the sweet smells of springtime, 

I never thought i would  get to summer.

why did you take so long to come,

you let me be weak enough to let it finally come

take over me again,

let the sunshine fill me with power,

with energy. take over every ounce of my being,

I'm tangled, very tangled in conflicting thoughts,

the spring brings about so many emotions,

excitement for what is to come,

and the gift of patience, till it arrives.

let it be, let it be. its going to happen.

give it time.

embrace it and be happy.



Karen Carpenter

Karen Carpenter,

is my idol, she is so beautiful ,

and incredible, i look up to her so much, and i cant believe she is gone.

i watched the Karen Carpenter Story and i cried, this world lost something so beautiful and truly amazing,

In voice I'm singing, "(they long to be) Close To You" its so beautiful, it makes me feel so much closer to her and i want to meet her, in the next life of course [:

who are your idols?

have a wonderful weekend!!

oh and i have  a date tonight...

yay! with my home teacher?

 is that weird. nah he is cute [: hahah

wake up:

This morning i wake up to: quiet, everything is quiet,

 the cars speeding back and forth on the freeway,

but its not noise, its soothing.

it lets me know even though I'm all alone,

right now.

there are still people, beautiful people out there.

while I'm in here.

I wake up to shadows, not sunshine. like i usually do. 

its early but not too early,

as i peer out my window its raining,

 i instantly have an overwhelming feeling of peace and comfort,

i expand my lungs and fill them with thousands of molecules of pure damp air,

it gently flows rain and oxygen,  through my window,

i feel alive again when i breathe, relax, body, just breathe.

its so beautiful and cleansing, when my life starts to drag, it just needs to rain, and its completely renewed. why is it the rain makes me feel this way,

 I'm not completely sure, but it does,

and today will be

an incredible day!

[out my window]

Thailand.

I'M SO EXCITED!

Thailand is quickly approaching! still months away and yet it feels like its right here!!

I have walked around campus this entire week with the biggest Grin on my face. my excitement is to much to contain and it shows!

i got my itinerary for all of our activities and traveling! holy sheesh! I'm so excited!

did i already say that ??

I'M SO EXCITED, I'M SO EXCITED,

NEENER..NEENER..NEENER,

 I'M SO FREAKIN EXCITED!!!

SALT LAKE CITY, to SAN FRANCISCO, CA
Departing At  05:18pm Tues, Jun 14
Arriving At  06:19pm Tues, Jun 14



SAN FRANCISCO, CA to SEOUL INCHEON INT, KOREA REPUBLIC
Departing At  01:10pm Wed, Jun 15
Arriving At 05:25pm Thu, Jun 16



SEOUL INCHEON INT, KOREA REPUBLIC to PHUKET, THAILAND
Departing At  08:20pm Thu, Jun 16
Arriving At  01:00am Fri, Jun 17

PHUKET THAILAND!

Friday June 17-- go to Phang Nga Resort

Sat, Jun 18-- opening ceremony at Wat Bang Sai / Tham Thong Lang

Sun, June 19-23-- begin construction, teaching, vocational training and history,

Fri, Jun 24--Health fair for school children and parents

Sat, Jun 25-- Carnival and complete construction

Sun, Jun 26-- Closing Ceremonies

Mon, Jun 27--Elephant riding / bamboo river rafting

Tues Jun 28--Phang Nga Boat tour

End Service Trip

everyone goes home except a few of us!

Time to play !

Wednesday were leaving Phuket to fly to Bangkok.

once we get to Bangkok we may rent a beach house and play on the beach, and well go to a friends house who lives in Bangkok.

she'll show us the real way of life in Thailand.

can you say awesome?

yes i can ! AwEsOmE!

then the sad day comes when its time to go home...

BANGKOK SUVARNABH, THAILAND to SEOUL INCHEON INT, KOREA REPUBLIC
Departing At--11:35pm Fri, Jul 8
Arriving At--06:50am Sat, Jul 9
SEOUL INCHEON INT, KOREA REPUBLIC to SAN FRANCISCO, CA
Departing At--04:30pm
Arriving At--11:15am

SAN FRANCISCO, CA to SALT LAKE CITY, UT
Departing At--01:00pm
Arriving At--03:53pm

Either way I'm so excited to go,

as you could probably tell!

have a wonderful weekend!

Smile, it will change someones day.

Overwhelmed!

I have been seriously lacking blogging in my life, and it kind of upsets me since this probably one of the only non frustrating things in my life, it brings me a little solitude. especially when I'm so overwhelmed..

Anyways, here's how the last week has been;

-chiro appointment
-dentist appointment, (way to to much numbing in my shot, makes my whole face up to my eyebrow numb, date tonight, cant talk normal, i cant even smile, shoot me.)
-chiro again
-Youthlinc party
-one and half freaking hours laying in a claustrophobic MRI tube. (numb butt, half asleep)
-no new car yet, (that means being stranded at school again).
-Chiro again
-moving back home= depressed
-starting school = depressed & pissed and anxious and excited.. (is it possible for all those to go together??)
-procrastinate homework
-way to much homework,
-new room mate, = self conscious about using my own bathroom.(do you really think people stand out side the door and listen to us .. go.. ' if you know what i mean ' the way we think they do..?)
-new classes = new schedule = new people + new buildings = anxiety.
      -aerobics
      -yoga
      -acting 2
      -english 1010
      -nutrition 1020
      -voice
      -psychology 3700
      -and lets not forget institute
-no job = no money
-planning my future, if this isn't stressful enough, i don't want to grow up.
-will i succeed will i fail?
-all this stress = new zits, pimples,(is there a word for those abnoxious red things that doesnt sound disgusting??) acne...

So what do i do to relieve  my stress??

 re-arrange my room of course!

oh ya that sounds so logical and i bet it solves a lot of problems right?

no..

 I normally would go work out to blow off a little steam, but in case we forgot! i have no car which means no gym.. which means.. I'm going to get fat, sitting here for a week.. procrastinating homework, dreading life.

 But... aside from my whining

today all the room mates woke up.

every one sounded just like i do now.

irritated

and someone wrote all over the fridge school sucks..

and everyone agreed.

 but i hate being home because well everyone is miserable.

and its only our second day back..

so i decided to go back to my roots and remember,

 "what you think about you bring about" 

 "the gratitude you put out will always come back to you "

&

 "the more positive you are, the higher frequency you vibrate at which will attract other high frequency vibrations to you" so i said...

" enough with everyone saying schools sucks... because it will if you keep saying it!"

then i decided, my life is under control, and remembered this awesome quote from Gordon B Hinkley.

" Things will work out, keep trying, be believing, be happy, don't get discouraged, things will work out."

i love it. and its TRUE!

so be rid of you negative Nellie's and welcome in... positive Patties...?

if you have a better name let me know because that one is really... well i don't have to say it..

Glee!

 I probably have expressed this way to many times, but i seriously am in love
with the show

 Glee

 i just finished the entire first season for yes the second time,

which again, yes i have on dvd.

it makes me cry and smile and laugh, i get chills every episode i watch !

the music is incredible and the people are incredible, loving others is so important and I LOVE THIS SHOW.

 it says it all, life is about having fun and LIVING. so lets live...

Im going to change the world.

I wont follow my dreams, ill chase my dreams,

who's with me ?

what are some of your dreams?

Your Life, Your Last day

Two books i just finished.

1.)  Before i fall

    - Sam dies,

 that day she was mean to her family,

 and a girl at school,

 after she dies she wakes up the next day,

relives that same day,

the same way though,

 she dies again and wakes up ... again,

 she does this for seven days, but by the third day she starts to realize whats important and changes the way that last day of her life happens, it makes me wonder,

 if today were my last day,

would i be happy with the way i lived it ?

2.)  Crank

             - Bree,

from a broken

 family goes to live

 with her dad and ends

up meeting a boy who does

meth, she tries it, gets hooked

and her life goes down hill from there,

it was written by her mother based on a true story,

 all about her struggles and journey on this drug,

she ends up pregnant in the end and the

sequel goes on to the next part of

her life, I'm stoked to read it,

 it was so real and raw,

  beautifully written

 all in poetry.

Today,

a good friend and neighbor took his own life, he had children and a loving wife, they    were always so happy, i don't understand.. i cant even imagine the call your father took his life, or imagine the heartbreak and grieving this family is going through, as i was telling my mom this today, she said you can imagine because you have been there, but i haven't, my dad fought for me and my family, he died a hero and yet i still get angry he left. i cant bear the anger and emotion i would be filled with if he intentionally left me.. my prayers go out to this family.

This

so strongly

ties into the book

"before i fall" is today

the day you would want to

 remember as your last, i know

today would definitely not be the one

 for me,    so as my dad taught I'm going to

 live each moment to the fullest of my ability,

don't wait to follow what your heart desires do it now..

I Am

I AM
-I am a freshman
-I am Tired
-I am Homesick
-I am full of anxiety
-I am a virgin
-I am weak
-I am insecure
-I am confused
                This Week I
             -I got a parking violation
             -I got a speeding ticket
             -I havent even gotten my first pay check
             -I have been frustrated
             -I have been rushed
             -I dont feel at home
             -I missed all my friends
             -I broke out
                                  Tomorow I
                            -I will have a good day
                            -I will be happy
                            -I will not be homesick
                            -I will feel good
                            -I will talk to a stranger
                            -I will make someones day
                                                               I AM
                                                    -I am a freshman
                                                    -I am Beautiful
                                                    -I am well
                                                    -I am strong
                                                    -I am confident
                                                    -I am a virgin
                                                    -I am a Dancer
                                                    -I am an aunt
                                                    -I am recovering
                                                    -I am a friend
                                                    -I am Imperfect
                                                    -I am ME
                                                    -I am Taylor
                                                    -I am not going down

Week [ends]

1st week [end] at college packing and unpacking

2nd week [end] at college cliff jumping !

3rd week [end] at college go camping and home.

a few things i have come to realize.

1.) I'm obviously a freshman because i still call life and school "college".

2.) My sister is the most beautiful, kindred spirit, she is brilliant and remarkable, i look up to her like she would not believe, and she has one of the most amazing spirits anyone could ever have she is so incredibly strong and talented. and i love her with all my heart Maddie is and will always be my best friend. 

3.) Don't ride a motorcycle without proper gear, i would have been dead if it wasn't for my helmet which i put up such a fight to wear. None the less i ended up running through, not past not into but THROUGH a tree & i have wonderful battle wounds to show for it.

4.) Camping isn't "camping" unless you have a "dirtstache" & "dirtunobrow" to show for it.

5.) The cemetery is now a place of solitude, not fear, there i had a long talk with my dad a good cry and a nap afterwards.

[sister]

cliff diving

dirt staches

     The [end] of this week came swiftly but... i realized alot of things i didn't before, and i got to the point where i miss my family ALOT, but i also realized I'm growing up and i am learning new things everyday that are helping me in the process.

have a wonderful week...