Thursday, July 29, 2010

[Empty Pages..] CLEANSE

Splashing on every inch of this small forsaken town.
Trickling water.
Pouring down from the endless atmosphere.
so insignificant so subtle.
Depressant ... yet so calming
I feel as though i am washed clean, when the earth is cleansed too.
The filth, vulgarity, the scum and poverty.
The peace, nurturing, the warmth and serenity the earth brings to us.
So innocent but so cruel.
Smell the rain.
EARTH it smells like natural EARTH,
Oh how i wish once i was polluted ... destroyed i could rain down upon myself and wash it all away.
The wet glistens... everywhere you look.
The humid moisture that fills the air... fills my lungs.
The chills have come about now... traveling up my spine.
Rain cleanse me...
Cleanse the earth.
-Taylor Seegmiller
"life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"
[1 of many of my Favorite Quotations]
It rained all day, I love the mood it brings about, It makes me feel calm and collected, like its a brand new start. I love the sound it makes and the smells it gives off.

Sunday, July 25, 2010


Happy Birthday daddy-o
[don't worry we will still always say the flags and parades were for your birthday]
when i was 2 all words ended with "o" thus = "daddyo"
 you and mom made me who i am today, i can say I'm proud of that, you made me strong and independent, taught me to live with a positive outlook on life, taught me god gives trials to those he loves and showed me how to solve all my problems. I know your there on the other side watching over me,
when i was 1 you forgot to buckle me in my high chair. but ill give you some credit, i think you were trying..
when i was 2 you bought me that Simba, it never left my side.
once i turned 3 i understood that  
you always knew how to make me laugh and to know i was loved,
even if it meant putting a beer box on my head... 
or by taking us to Disney land twice a year. and spinning us so fast on the teacups we couldn't lift our heads off the sides

 you took me fishing and made me spend the weekend in my underwear!
 then around the age of 7 you had me shoot this dear. i cried and vowed never to shoot an animal again.
which brought about my attitude towards these ducks..
i also think it was kind of freezing!
thanks for making me love and embrace my curls!
at a young age, you would take my hair out of its pig tails and fluff it up real big then chase me down the isles of blockbuster,
you taught me to ride horses then bought me my own, you gave me everything a little girl could ever ask for. you loved me unconditionally, and cried with me when i was sad,
then once i was ten and you could no longer move, you would tell me to come sit on your lap and i would cry and you would still comfort me,
thank you dad for helping me to grow everyday.
Dear Dad,
you left us, i know its better this way, your not hurting anymore, & i know its less stress on all of us. but at the same time.. i need you. How can 3 little girls grow up without a dad? sometimes i felt like you were the ONLY one who understood me. Your missing so much & i wish you were here to see all that's happening. i still cry sometimes, but i know that your still here.. i just cant see you. its hard to believe in heaven, but i know i have too or else life is just too scary. i wish you were here to give me advice, and to listen when i needed someone especially when i was dealing with drake. i still do need your help.
what happens when I'm married dad? who's supposed to give me away? whats going to happen with my daddy daughter dance? who do i go to when me and mom fight? sometimes i feel like you got out easy but i know you didn't. I'm doing OK, I'm surviving and me and Maddie are really close, jordi is so big now and actually seems like a real person. and I'm starting college this year, that officially makes you really old! i think about you always , i love you and i forgive you.
{wrote this is psychology last year}
one day we went camping,
 my hair was down to my butt in length and done up in french braids,
 i somehow got my hair stuck in the tent zipper,
 my dad, thinking like a man just chopped off that chunk of hair right off the top of my head,
well then it looked stupid hanging out of my braid, plus he didn't want my mother to know
 so what does he do ?
 he cuts that chunk of hair all the way down to my scalp,
 thinking it wont show,
he forgot i was girl, and it was going to have to grow back.
all fourth grade that piece of hair spent its days under a giant glop of gel !
 Love you dad.
happy birthday[:

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Truth ...

In a world of disorder, disaster and fraud. Sometimes only beauty can be trusted. only artistic excellence is INCORRUPTIBLE . Pleasure cannot be bargained down and sometimes the meal is the only currency that is real. To devote yourself to the creation and enjoyment of beauty. Then can be a serious business not always necessarily a means of escaping reality, but sometimes a means of holding onto the real when everything else is flaking away into rhetoric plot.

-Eat Pray Love-
To lose Balance sometimes for Love.. Is part of living a Balanced life.

August 13.. Eat Pray Love come out !Im so excited !
its also Friday the 13th
Freaked ? nah

Last saturday i went with drake to artctic circle to get ice cream. The girl at the window was all " its free Fry day [friday] how many do you want and so we were like uh two, i was thinking wow what an idiot its saturday but heck we get free fries cuz she thinks it friday, it took me till today when my sister was like she didnt say free fry friday she said free fry day.. Turns out im the idiot.

Worked out so much today i thought my head was going to fall off
and can i just state my love and obsession with
have a beautiful thursday.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

3 words... [DR] [A] [MA]

DRAMA! my life i run from it.
The drama i mean, not my life, but it seems to just chase me & it obviously has much longer legs than i do because it catches me & then just to add insult to injury it runs me over.
I haven't been able to write any poetry [empty pages..] so.. I'm dealing, because I'm a coper .. [that's not a word but I'm making it one. its the plural of coping in case you were unaware] in my last post i mentioned the huge fire that almost consumed my home, the rattle snake incident, now my 2 year old cousin in the hospital because he ate a blood pressure pill, for a big person, if it bottoms out he dies [he's a "coper" too]. & i went to scout camp today to help, its wonderful chasing boys around ! saying "don't jump off that", "no you cant run with fire", "put the snake down", "why is your hand in there" ?? its a ride for a girl with ONLY sisters.
....have a good laugh......
Holly, is 14 even though she doesn't look it, lets just say she thought she was littler than she was and got stuck in that 2 year old swing, we pulled she didn't budge, in the midst of tears, we dumped her upside down i was laying on my belly in the sand wiggling her out, & to top it off i hate being a woman, if you can call me one! I'm still technically a "young woman" if you were thinking i was a man by that metaphor.. no.
& i really just need chocolate right now!  don't want it... need it!! 
anyone else feel the same??
~have a great day~
they rub dead animals on their faces...and play poke your neighbor.
and Holly.... you get it...

Sunday, July 18, 2010

TOO many close calls with DEATH..

[A bit of an exaggeration but I'm a drama queen, always have been always will be, so lets just leave it at that.]
Thursday morning, went on a hike up to Timp caves, but didn't actually go inside, on the way down with my aunt Janelle & my little cousin Anne, my spectacular mommy dearest warned us about a rattlesnake by #6, so with that knowledge we continued to skip merrily down Timp, literally (we are precocious and proud of it!) about 20 minutes pass & believe it or not we completely forgot about this snake, we stumble upon a rattle going 100 mph & a serpent claiming his territory on the trail, i of course i (being the so called drama queen) scream, cant even find what words to say, frantically pointing & eventually i am able to stammer out SNAKE! Anne & Janelle don't see it in the chaos but with my scream in my mind they automatically start jumping, but because they cannot see the snake they jump towards it, so what do i do ? scream louder of course, Janelle in all this panic manages to get her sunglasses off which then opens her eyes to the rattle snake between her legs, up she goes towards me & Anne attempts to run & gets hit by the snake on her tennis shoe, luckily, long story short.. ever tried to walk down a mountain with your legs trembling so hard its like an earthquake? wouldn't recommend it.
So basically.. these pictures explain themselves, but the only thing i really can say is in the midst of my emotional break down packing journals pictures & important documents, it really made me realize what was important to me, what could have been replaced, & what meant the most.
[my front lawn to the left,]
[close up, fire coming over our ridge]
[my neighbors backyard]
[neighbors backyard above]
[below my backyard]
[my backyard]
you can see how far this fire came and how it ever so quickly got closer to my house! we were evacuated but as you can tell NOBODY left and we all worked to dig trenches, water down our homes, and yards, and get every ones animals out since everyone on this street alone, all own horses, dogs, and everything else. It was put out, eventually, and all my cousins were still in town from out family reunion so they came to help too, they know how it goes, their homes were in the Sandiego California fires a couple years ago.
and now we have this beautiful little charred mountain behind us [:
we sat on the fence at one point and thought, dang wheres our hot dog roasters?
thanks to all those who helped us work together and thank god literally, he answered every ones prayers.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Familia Reuniono..

Ok so i know familia is Italian.
I think,
and i also know that even though we all believe that if you add and "O" to the end of something,
 it makes it Spanish, it doesn't,
but i wont tell myself that.
so that's where the Reuniono comes from.
This week was the event i look forward too for the whole summer ! I have been waiting for this day forever !! OK not really i was completely oblivious to the fact that we had a family reunion but i was SO excited because i have the most absolute amazing family in the most entire world.. excuse that grammar because i know it was completely ridiculously wrong! I had the most fun i have had all summer just being with them! we camped at this wonderful little spot completely covered in grass with its own little murky lake. minus the dead fish and algae water i inhaled during our boat tipping experience and "king of the hill" (which by the way I'm still waiting to come down with some sickening disease because i engorged so much of it) we all had a blast ! boating, floating, tipping, tripping, zip lines, watermelon, massive slip in slides (who's main objective was to give massive wedgies),
 staying up late talking and giggling, wishing i was musically efficient (with guitar) since everyone sits around and plays BUT ME..watching family videos from the 1800s all the way up to the present, turning BRIGHT RED watching the nerdy CHUBBY kid i was in 2004 ( how embarrassing), lets not go back to that . another thing i love is that there is so many of us that there is no possible way  to know every ones names or how were all related but everyone just says they love you and you know their your cousin, all in all it was a splendid and wonderful vacation and i miss them already..
(us making the "train tradition" on the water slide)
its really amazing how you can think you know someone your whole life and then one day you realize you truly love them so much you would do anything for them and do anything to be with them forever, you look into their eyes and you can see their soul and they are so beautiful. and you don't understand why you always took that for granted.. i think now that I'm an "adult" practically .. i am starting to see things and people from and adult point of view.. a few people i caught up with and saw in a whole new amazing light were:
 Elyse, talking with her, she is so gorgeous and full of life,
 Janelle, someone i aspire to be like she has so much wisdom and the light she gives off is incredible.
Kimmy, always been one of my closest cousins and best buds, but never fails to make me laugh,
 Debbie, although wasn't at this reunion, she has always been someone who i looked up to, i hope one day she will love me like she did once,
Jackie, is so determined and respectful, its something I'm working on being,
Brent & Scott, so spiritually strong and loving, i know what i want in my husband when i watch the example they set (Scott is leaving for his mission to Texas in September).
Michelle, so much fun and always has been but i love that she kisses me all the time when i see her, and gave birth to my favorite little Chelsie[: and my Gramma, she stands up for me and always knows what to say and how to say it, i want her faith and to be a spitting image of her (although she isn't 1/4 black nor am i 100% white, except when i dance..., and i am much taller than her, i still want to be at least just like her, she has the most amazing testimony and i just don't have words for her she is too amazing).
 Their is so much more family i can write about, and so much more i have in my heart for these whom i have written about , but I'm so grateful for my crazy wonderful, obnoxious, loving, & accepting family ! they make me feel spiritual because they all are and i can just be my self and be loved for it. I'm so lucky, but i wont brag too much or someone might try to steal them.. or people just wouldn't understand ha. I had a wonderful week!! love my familia.
funny story: Holly is 14 and we have grown up so close our whole lives and she found out on Monday i was part black, she was like Taylor i had no idea, i was like what did you just think i was always really tan ? and she was like ... well .... yeah.
don't look too close or you may see some cracks. talk about water wedgies !
and of course you can always tell which one is me because my wonderful hair everyone is dying to have but they have no idea how much of a nightmare it really is.
and that just about wraps the Jespersen family reunion 2010.

Saturday, July 10, 2010


I just finished Eat Pray Love, this book not only made me want to travel around the world on my own spiritual journey, eat new foods, and embark on an adventure with no idea where I'm going, but it also gave me the worst anxiety to travel, not bad anxiety though, just the kind that i want to travel and would do anything to get there, my mom keeps telling me i cannot do anything until I'm 18 but i dont want to wait that long, i made a list of every place i WILL go. my goal is to start volunteering next summer, 4 months in either Cambodia, Ghana, South Africa, Kenya, Tanzania, Nepal, or Vietnam, since i am not certified to do much I'm going to be helping in the orphanage. I'm so excited i can hardly breathe when i think about it!
i feel like a 6 year old when they are on the plane taking off to Disneyland, it seems like forever until you get to the happiest place on earth, but in time.. it will come and you will reach the place you have been dying to go... okay actually I'm still like this on the way to Disneyland so forget the 6 year old thing, but crappy metaphor or not I'm overly joyed too TRAVEL
I'm going to Italy, eating tons of incredible and delicious Italian food,
I'm going  find my own spiritual Guru,
& meditate till my butt is numb and tingling in an ashram in India
and find MY inner balance it doesn't have to be in Indonesia
but i do want to find a medicine man, or woman who can make my hair grow long with a root from a banana tree.
these pictures are obviously not mine, but someday, someday SOON there will be my very own pictures of these beautiful places, but until then...
 i just have to sit the puddles of my anxiety and wait.
As for my week..
 i went to St George.
 bought some shoes I'm totally and completely in love with and some other stuff, saw my apartment i will dreadfully but excitedly be moving into,
 went and visited dads grave,
played with gabby [my dog].
 and then went on my very first believe it or not fishing trip,
 with my mom and her boyfriend and my sisters and my probably very soon to be step sister.
so it wasn't my very first fishing trip..
but the last time i was taken to play this wonderful sport it went as follows,
 i spent the weekend in my underwear because my friend there wet her pants, and was too embarrassed to be the only one in her underwear. 
the stuff i did to make people feel better, actually I'm sure i objected to this, but i was utterly forced into this by my all loving father.
so basically heres how this fishing trip played out.
woke up early
went fishing
caught a fish
read Eat Pray Love
sister caught like 12 fish,
i cursed her with my eyes,
then kept reading
went back to camp
read more,
played card games
read some more
went to bed
woke up to fish yet again
caught a fish,
forgot i was fishing
because i was reading
which then caught me by surprise when my fishing pole flew from me
i panicked but it was a sheer excitement panic
lost the fish
glared at all 3 of my sisters again because they menacingly caught a few more fish.
then the other sister caught a pregnant fish who's babies or eggs were spilling everywhere.
went back to camp fish less
i was fished out for the week
stuffed my face with kix along with the sister
spent a couple more days fishing [no luck]
hung out at camp, ate some more, read some more, slept some more
came home
finished my book
almost started crying because it was soo good !
 and now I'm off to Borders because i need another book. if i cant travel and I'm cooped up here in tiny eagle mountain i can at least get somewhere in the pages of a good book....
 until i set it down and realize I'm not in Africa or on a beautiful remote island in the Caribbean I'm still here.. in my drab room but oh well its the best i can do.
hope your weeks were as event full as mine [:

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Sunday Post!

My Scripture of the day D&C 82:10
I the lord, am bound when ye do what i say; but when ye do not what i say, ye have no promise.
 [ Its short and sweet and too the point, but the point it makes is so drastic and blunt, i love it and its true, the lord will give anything that's asked of him, he does it for me everyday, but we have to hold our end of the deal.]
 Today, on this wonderful fast Sunday, a man in my ward stood up and bore his testimony, i listened to it, like all the others but was not very interested, but then he said something that stood out to me, he said, his friend was baptized and his first Sunday at church he saw a man from his work, and he told the man from my ward that he would have never known that other man was a Mormon, well the man from my ward jokingly said, he must not have been a very good one.
that hit me kind of hard, it made me think, do others look at me and know I'm a Mormon or do they think wow i never would have guessed, it made me realize i want to be the girl that people know I'm a Mormon, they know I'm LDS by the example i set and by the way i live, i am proud of what i am and i want other people too see that as well, so this my goal for the rest of the summer and the upcoming school year.
Reading in my journal i came accrossed this. "A funny conversation i had with a guy from my work, named fat kid, he was from Chicago, and was telling me how everyone of his friends were wishing him luck in "mormonville" his chief 'goal' was to find out the myths that everyone is told about, he then asked me how many moms i had, i laughed and said just one, he asked me if i had horns i obviously said no, although we wish we could grow extra body parts.. we cant..., he asked if we really couldn't eat chocolate, if LDS stood for Lying Deceitful Satanists, if the reason we don't allow others into our temples is because we really worship Satan, and what our 'cult' truly believes in. i know i shouldn't but i think this is all so funny how ridiculous it all is. i explained to him the difference in RLDS and FLDS and how WERE different, i told him what we believe, were not evil, and we can eat chocolate." I believe when most people meet a Mormon they notice the warmth and light we give off. at least i do.. and its funny how much time some people have on their hands to come up with these theories.
I had a good laugh! have a beautiful sunday!

Friday, July 2, 2010

My Hike

I mentioned in my last post i went on a Hike, well as you all know, and if you don't.. now you do. i have
"photo fetish" I'm the bring my camera EVERYWHERE kind of person, yes i probably look like a nerdy tourist most of my days, and yet i have lived in Utah my ENTIRE life, so whats there to take pictures of ? well here's the pictures i took !

I love nature,
the trees, the green, the flowers,
and mostly the clouds
its SO beautiful,i know
for me personally
i forget to recognize
all the beauty that's
surrounding me 24/7,
 the mountains are
incredible, it sounds
dumb, or maybe funny,
but for real, take a second one day
and look, truly look
and you'll see it !
hope you enjoyed!  
have a truly wonderful 
weekend [:
Eat Pray Love
im reading this book, its Really great so far, but i want someone to read it with me and my sister HATES reading, so you guys should read it with me [: