DisneyLand. Day 1&2

Although this is long overdue ...

we went to California, for my great aunts wedding and then to go to Disneyland with the cousins,

our trip was awesome,

(according to a friend , I'm the only person on the planet who still says awesome.. does no one else say that ? is it a thing of the past now? whats the new phrase..? oh "that's tight" alright well i guess I'm old fashioned... but i still love the word AWESOME!)

now that that little tangent is over, back to the vacation.

Disney Land
Day 1 :
park at 9, go to Indiana, splash (might i add this is the 1st year i didn't cry or wet myself, and considering we go to Disney every year... that's a big step for me), haunted mansion (totally re done for Halloween, freakin awesome), thunder mountain, churros, do a little skipping, then stay at the park till midnight with the sister Maddie, and chase the cousin.

don't know the people in the front... but that kid just looks a little too happy for being on splash mountain.

Day 2:

Another early morning, drag the cousin out of bed, wait in some lines, take some pictures, make some faces, space mountain is awesome. eat some lunch. laugh some what hard, take some more pictures, and some more... and some more.

7. am.

 me and kens on space

 my score, killed everyone else's score

 cosmic commando, that's me

 soarin over California, [Favorite]

 we were acting scared

 ya that one in the middle in back all alone, that's me,, everyone ditched me with no one but myself to hold onto... rude!! plus i was screaming really loud so they went deaf and I'm sure that added to the whole "lets ditch Taylor on tower of terror gig"

 "where hehe meets haha" loved it

 love this boy, i wish i was skinny enough to squish behind a garbage can ha.

 I'm pretty sure we went on screamin one too many times.

 my sweet chelsiekins had a nap...

 and Gaigey boy had a tantrum...

 & I'm AWESOME

 it was pouring rain

so we skated on it.

Chelsie laughed...

 & Gaige pooped ...

 its a small world [favorite]

 he finally said my name!

 of course we had to wait in line for 2 HOURS !! to see mickey.

 Gavin boy, best bud the whole trip, except when he picked his nose and held my hand...

next post will include days 3 & 4,

there is just way to many pictures for one post!

keep smiling!

 happy Tuesday

Thanks&[Giving]

Now that I'm done being a "Debbie Downer" tis the time to be grateful right?

 So just as a small gratitude prelude,

of course there is always friends, & family, my home and America, and so much more.
but right now...

I'm grateful for hot cocoa.

I'm incredibly grateful that i am healthy,

I'm so so grateful that were done with Shakespeare in theatre.

 [yuck]

&

 I'm grateful the Indians gave the Pilgrims a turkey for thanksgiving,

because if they had given them a donkey...

we would all get a piece of Ass for Thanksgiving.

As far as festivities go,

it was our off year, all the family goes with the opposite spouse,

so our celebration was small in numbers this year.

but without all the extra stress,

we were able to give thanksgiving dinner to a family who couldnt make it and didnt have it.

 It melted my heart.

And made my day.

Happy Thanksgiving weekend!

If You Really Knew ME. a kid again

I just want to be a kid again.

Innocent and worry free.

I'm not a down person..

 but lately i just feel sick and so stressed.

 I cant stop crying. I feel like its all I do.

I know what an aneurysm feels like.. I have the feeling in my brain everyday.

and this stupid stupid demon ,

alter ego.

 a disease?

sits at the back of my mind.

all the time. 

something i fight off every second of every day but of course, when I'm weak and I'm down.

It grabs hold and strangles me.

It seeps into me. like a poisonous gas. and it wont let go and I don't want it here. It took so long to get rid of.

Its not even fully gone obviously. 

but then it so easily just comes back. so ridiculously strong. like it never left. like my drug, and I just relapsed.  I don't get it and its not fair. please just leave me alone.

If you really knew me.

 a show. I believe has and is changing the world..

if you really knew me.

you would know that i have had eating disorders. for years.

 If you really knew me,

you would know that it never leaves.. not really.

 It will always be a part of us. a part of me. taunting me and pushing me down.

 if you really knew me.

you would know i fight it EVERY day and,

 if you really knew me

 you would know how much i hate it.

 i hate me.

for letting it in.

letting it take over, consume, control and destroy me.

 I just want it to go away.

but again its also like friend to me. Its been there whenever something goes wrong. whenever I'm mad or upset, depressed, or just ashamed, its always right there to catch me when i fall, and comfort me in way ? sick i know. i guess I'm just sick.

I don't want to be down or depressed i just want to be alive and happy! its almost Christmas for Pete's sake come on ! just snap out of.

Does anyone else talk to them selves. or just me?

is anyone else sick ?

messed up?

 sad?

 frustrated?

 pissed?

if you really knew me.

if we really knew you

what is

it?

...

Baby Taytay

Athena Nate`

[natay] is how it sounds.

I'm an aunt!

One of my best friends Meranda finally had her baby.

A beautiful girl. I watched the whole thing..

as a matter of fact.. i was holding her leg!

It was the craziest thing i have ever seen.

Their calling her Taytay. like me.

Aunt Taytay and baby Taytay how freakin cute.

She is so adorable !!

and a little stinker face.

 but...

 thank you Meranda for reassuring my hold on abstinence.

 birthing scares the crap outta me.

especially after being that close to the action.

I think ill adopt [:

awesome weekend to everyone !

First Crash..

close calls.

now a thing of the past.

going through the intersection.. realizing.

this is really happening. brakes. swerve. trying to avoid the impossible. smash.

its done.

the shrill crunch of both cars as they crush one another.

my face, numb, was that a board that just nailed me in the face?

no it was the air bag.

no air, cant breathe, cant move.

is this really happening?

 dazed, and slow motion.

opening my eyes coming to.

my car is spun all the way around..

Kim is awake. shes talking to me, "Taylor, Taylor! are you OK ?" shaking me. that's when i realize,

 "oh my gosh, Kim your leg! oh my gosh Kim are you OK?"

 Kim. "we gotta get out i cant breathe"

shaking so bad its impossible to undo the seat belt.

 smoke, dust, chemicals billowing from the car, from the air bags.

 run to Kim's side.

 Kim's eye, my nose, Kim's leg, my arm.

Kim just had surgery on her knee and is in a full leg cast.

I feel like the worst friend ever, a car accident.

"it wasn't yout fault taylor "

police officer

 "she failed to yield on a yellow light, its not your fault its hers"

 oh yeah there is another person involved. is she OK?

 about eighty years old.

she turned in front of me. bloody nose. going to the hospital just in case.

so shaky, cant think straight.

bawling.

oh gosh. my car. gone. sorry muchacho you were a good friend of mine.

sorry sister. seeing as your 16th birthday is tomorrow and you were going to get muchacho.

surreal. so surreal.

It could have been so much worse

i seriously am so lucky i returned home safely just as we prayed to.

injuries.. sore body all of it, teeth and jaw sore, scraped bruised arm, major headache, tweaked hurt knee, leg, and back, neck is seriously hurt. and cut up lips.

as far as injuries emotionally.

 i feel sick, i cant eat, i cant stop crying,
it was an accident everyone says.

 "legally it wasn't your fault." 
 either way its called an accident. 

I need Suzie, why ? she is my best friend, more than that. she is family. she is my soft spot to land.

Kim is one of those friends that you cant describe to anyone because their so amazing.

I believe people come into our lives for a reason and she is my best friend right now.. and I'm officially the worst friend for us being in and accident. she isn't mad..

I don't know why she would be.

i ruined her day. That's why

 i feel like i need to be forgiven of something.

 i don't even know how i feel.

my emotions are all twisted up.

 Kim is so incredible lets just leave it at that.

On the list for the next few months. weekly chiropractor appointments, hospital visits, new car. more blog posts. since this will be my "therapeutic place".

Priesthood. No Father.

Life is hard. for EVERYONE.

I have the strongest testimony of the priesthood.

I never liked blessings because it always frustrated me that i couldn't have my father give me one. He isn't here to do it.

I understand now, he is still using his priesthood.

In a time i was in desperate need of a "pick-me-up".

The man I truly believe was called upon to take my fathers place when he passed away, was in St George for a marathon, and he gave me a blessing.

I know he has so much love for me . 

I can feel it through his hands on my head, the hugs, and the tears we shared. 

Its confusing sometimes.

I think i forgot what its like to be loved by a father. Its a feeling you honestly will never know until its gone. But this weekend i was able to feel that,

It was indescribable.

I'm so thankful i have the lord working with me and that i can ask for a blessing and receive it. THE GOSPEL IS TRUE.

I have a father on the other side protecting me and strengthening me.

And i have so many father figures on this side doing the same.

~

One of my favorite quotes

"Sometimes life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"

HallOwEEn[:

[kim.me]

Halloweens eve

~

 technically i didn't do anything on Halloween,

because it was sunday..

 except i went to a pretty amazing fireside...

but as of Halloween celebrations

.. Thriller..

 First off.

 INCREDIBLE

I'm trying out for Odyssey Dance Theater next year,

 I miss dance so much and i WANT to dance in thriller !! ahh.

I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time! 

I loved it.

I also loved that me and kim were the ONLY ones laughing. which made me laugh more. which pissed people off, then i laughed so hard i cried[:

as far as costumes go.

Shelby . peacock.

 Shayla . slutty ref.

Kim . 80s girl/hippie/me.

 and

 Me. well i was a mouse.. duh.

[Name that movie " an all time favorite"]

[: MEAN GIRLS :]

 [kim.shay.me.shelb]

[kim.me]

I love kim, probably the most amazing friend i have here.